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help with a suicidal/drug addicted friend?
#679929
11/30/12 02:04 PM
11/30/12 02:04 PM
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,449 New Jersey
Five_Felonies
OP
Underboss
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OP
Underboss
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,449
New Jersey
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pretty seroius request for advice here guys, as i know we have alot of older, level headed posters here. a friend of mine who i've known for over 20 years has hit about as rough of a patch as you could imagine. he has a daughter with an ex girlfriend who lives a few states away that he never sees because he is so far behind on child support that he is real close to losing the little amount of custody he has left. he has had another toxic relationship with a girl up here, and they just seem to enable each others addictions.
for a while he had a good job, and was going to a methadone clinic and seemed to have things somewhat in order. the last few months, it seems like everything is just falling apart. he lost his job due to heroin addiction(missing work, calling out, asking for advances of pay ect) since then, i know for a fact he has started back up on the heroin.
a few nights ago, he called me, hysterical, threatening suicide, so i offered to let him stay with me for a few days to calm down. to make things even more complicated, i moved back in with my parents a few months ago until the spring/summer because of problems at the house i was renting with a few other guys as well as to save money while i can because the plan is for them to put the house up for sale soon and they wanna move to pa. now as much i like to drink beer, joke around and have a good time, my family gets along pretty well, but they won't tolerate any kind of drug use/chaos.
so my buddy rode his street bike over here, clearly messed up. i had him inside, ordered a pizza for us, bought him a pack of smokes as well as a 12pk of his favorite soda. he was an emotional mess, and to make things even worse, it looks like he must have crashed the bike recently as its all fucked up with coolant and oil dripping all over the driveway.
a set him up on the couch in my room, go to throw some sheets in the washer for him, and when i come back, hes in the process of cooking up dope. i was shocked, and didn't know what to do, like that frozen feeling you get. he finished, and started the nod. here i am having to stay up all night to make sure he isn't dead, while trying to hide this from my family. i went threw his bag, found more empty bags, and some xanax in a bottle prescribed to him, unreal. for those who don't know, xanax mixed with any kind of opiate is a lethal combination. i had to call out of work the next day(yesterday), just so i could try to figure something out.
i am physically sick right now, my face feels all fuzzy, and i'm hurt. he left early this morning on foot cause his bike is undrivable, im assuming he is trying to get more drugs after begging me for cash which i refused, and i think he went back to that poison bitch he's with. his parents live in west virginia, and i've been on the phone with them constantly trying to figure out what to do. he has fucked them over so many times that they are at there wits end and just don't know what to do. they sent him money to get on a bus to go down, but that money is gone. my car probably wouldn't even be able to make it there, otherwise i would drive him myself.
my parents seem to know that something serious is going on, and i don't know what to do. if i turned my back on him and something happened i couldn't live with myself, but at the same time i cant keep missing work to babysit a full grown man, luckily i'm off today, but not tomorrow. i would be greatful for any advice, because i'm at a complete loss here.
It's either blue cheese with wings or go fuck yer mudda!
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Re: help with a suicidal/drug addicted friend?
[Re: Five_Felonies]
#679930
11/30/12 02:09 PM
11/30/12 02:09 PM
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 22,902 New York
SC
Consigliere
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Consigliere

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 22,902
New York
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i would be greatful for any advice, because i'm at a complete loss here. You've already done A LOT for him. He has to be willing to help himself now. Do NOT, I repeat NOT, feel guilty about not doing enough for him. Lay the law down now.... no drugs if he's gonna stay with you. Good luck!
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Re: help with a suicidal/drug addicted friend?
[Re: Five_Felonies]
#679935
11/30/12 02:48 PM
11/30/12 02:48 PM
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 674
gamms
Was: sitonmyface11
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Was: sitonmyface11
Underboss
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 674
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i have to agrre with the others. you have done loads for the guy already.fifty plus years on this world, i have had a lot of friends die before there time. drugs is always one of the ingredients to there deaths. overdoses, car accidents, shootings, hiv, suicides. after fifty years kid you get pretty fucking cynical about human nature in general. ill give you the advice id give my son. [you may totally disagree with me here, but you asked for it] look after number one. no matter how much you do, you will always feel guilty in the end. you cant win out to a drug. especially not heroin. its human nature. he is going to fufil his needs e.g. heroin. i had friends with a similar situation, and honestly, i dont have any good stories about them to tell you. the four guys i can think of off the top of my head...dead [shot], jail [man 1],dead[in jail],and dead [od]. so ive definately had piss poor experiences around addicts. 3 out of those 4 were on h. one was on crack. so my outlook is generally skeptical, but my advice is, look after yourself first. he may be your friend, but his only friend [while hes using] is heroin. do your best to keep him off the street. i recomend going to a priest. we had one help out a good friend of the family with pills. sorry your in this situation you sound like you got a good heart, good luck to you kid. -joe
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Re: help with a suicidal/drug addicted friend?
[Re: Five_Felonies]
#679946
11/30/12 05:03 PM
11/30/12 05:03 PM
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,449 New Jersey
Five_Felonies
OP
Underboss
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OP
Underboss
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,449
New Jersey
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thanks alot for every response guys, alot of sound advice that i knew but sometimes it helps to just hear it repeatedly. i talked to him before, and he seems messed up, but its hard to tell on the phone when he's upset on top of it. he won't tell me where he is, but i know he's back with that girl, which means nothing good. as far as letting him in the house, you guys are right but again, sometimes its hard to make the right decisions in the middle of a crazy situation. i located a county run rehab/detox center that is free is you have no money/job/insurance ect. the only problem is they only have a limited # of beds and i can't reserve one for him, although i'm sure that if we just showed up there, they would more than likely take him in. the problem is its voluntary, but that part isn't up to me.
other than that i told him that he can stay for another day or 2 so he can figure out what to do, but only under the condition of no drugs whatsoever, and that means having to search him myself. other than that, i can't do anything else. even if he decides to stay, i have work tomorrow and he will not be left alone, so he would have to figure out what to do during the day, but it seems like that might just lead to more trouble. with that said, i'm gonna try as hard as i can to is pick him up and bring him to the rehab center tonight because i CANNOT miss another day of work. its real nice to see people telling me to worry about myself first, as it really helps lesson the guilt of an extremely difficult situation. hopefully nobody here will have to go through anything similar to this, because heroin has got to be the single most destructive substance ever, it makes cocaine seem like tylenol by comparison.
It's either blue cheese with wings or go fuck yer mudda!
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Re: help with a suicidal/drug addicted friend?
[Re: Five_Felonies]
#680229
12/01/12 10:15 PM
12/01/12 10:15 PM
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,449 New Jersey
Five_Felonies
OP
Underboss
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OP
Underboss
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,449
New Jersey
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so i little update... last night after i got back from going out to eat, my friend called me and informed me that he was coming over and hung up before i was able to get a word in and wouldn't pick the phone back up. so i waited outside and about 20 minutes later he arrived by car with some real sketchy people that i have never even seen before. when they got here, the driver wanted gas money which he said my friend promised him. too bad, i wasn't giving someone money who i never even met. then the driver wanted cigarettes. i don't even smoke, so tough luck. my buddy finally hopped out of the car, barely able to stand. this is around 11:30, mind you.
i was pretty pissed already by having someone tell me they are coming over, rather than even ask. i told him no way can you stay over here in this condition, and then he tries to convince me he's ok. thats the funny thing about people like that, they seem to get mad if you know they are messed up. the past few days i've come to realize that selfishness isn't always a bad thing, depending on the situation. i can afford to not be living at home now, but the whole point is to save the money while i can so i can put a down payment on a small place down south, which is what i've been striving for the past few years. why should i sacrafice that for someone who in thier present condition, probably wouldn't buy me a pack of gum?
we argued for a few more minutes, and i told him that its too late and we can't be causing a scene this late. long story short, i dropped him off at a nearby wawa. i let him know that i'd be more than happy to give him a ride to the rehab center i located for him if given notice, and he is welcome to call me whenever, but i just can't have somebody in an extremely unstable condition staying with me. i also reached out to his parents, and was able to convince them to give him another shot with them. they are very busy, and over 400 miles away, but the father recently had major surgery and has a dr's appointment in philly in about 2 weeks, and he said he is willing to come up here and pick him and the bike up and then to spend christmas with the family, dry out, and figure out what to do next, which hopefully will include some type of rehab. now its on him to try an keep it together for a few weeks, and try for a fresh start, really nothing more i can do/offer at this point besides support and encouragement.
Last edited by Five_Felonies; 12/01/12 10:18 PM.
It's either blue cheese with wings or go fuck yer mudda!
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