Rent action movies filled by violence and mass destruction!!! But Uztopoke didn't want that kind of action. So they spend the night with the girls.
At dusk, Uzi, Pancho and Lefty went to the gas station where they met Jose Chavez, a shotgun-totin' fella with many pesos on his pocket. Uztopoke talked him about Captain Omar and the Gambino gang following their trail. Jose suggested them that they should see the young owner of "PastaPunk's club". This lady was a gun-totin, whiskey drinkin', spit-em up scout. She could take them to a safer place in exchange of getting rid of Theobaldus Sixer, a no good whippersnapper that was ending the club's supply of whiskey and women.
Uztopoke, Pancho and Lefty accepted, but they needed more help. Just when they got out of the station a former cop named Minnow came by with Memphis Snake Russell and Turi Giuliano who were doin'...

.....oh, not just DOIN', but SMOKIN' crank from a broken flouescent lightbulb.

Now Uzi had much experience with lokers in his life, and decided that hanging with a gaggle of meth fiends would be problematic.

Of course, Uzi HAD to take a quick snuff off the bulb to get ready for his journey to New England, where his wife rested in bed wearing a teddy made of Starburst fruit chews. Yes, the deviant Uzi needed another romp with his sweet Irish lass before going off the deep end ad infinitum.

So, Uzi inhales a quick puff of crank smoke, and goes off on a wicked coughing jag. Minnow, Turi the Fairy and Snake laugh. The cough tickles his throat, and Uzi pukes all over PastaPunk. She is very pleased. Uzi bends over to pick up a piece of newspaper to wipe PastaPunk's face and chest clean, and he notices the headline:

"Oprah Winfrey Found Rotting In Tub
Maniac White Boy Wanted In Connection."

Uzi is remined, once again, of that fat bitch and flies into a rage, killing PastaPunk with a sharp blow to the eye socket. Minnow, Turi and Snake fall away in shock, but then start searching the ground for pieces of crank they might have dropped.

Uzi takes the free moment to wander away, hot-wiring an '88 Oldmobile Cutlass with frame rot, and veers off the road heading northeast....

lines of coca in the back of the van. To everyones surprise Minnow was related to Pancho and Lefty so he felt obligated to help these hooligans out. They all sat down in a dark musky basement just out side of The Valley and discussed what their next steps would be. Uztopoke suggested that they got together a cache of weapons and simply blow those motha's away but Minnow had another idea. After several hours of passing the Columbian green around Minnow called his long lost buddy Don Gambino in Asuncion, Paraguay. Gambino was a kick back from the Nazi Regime still in hiding from his war crimes and wanted back in Germany. Gambino was a very powerful man with overwhelming monetary backing, he said that he would send some help and high powered artillery as soon as possible.

Minnow hung up the phone and said to Uztopoke......

..."Shit, Uztopoke. That fuckin' crack we were smoking...I can't hear shit."
But Uztopoke didn't mind. After some minutes, Don Gambino said that he was goint to help 'em out with guns. But he warned them that the head of the bounty hunters(GL Gambino) was his nephew. he wanted his nephew unharmed. If the brought Gambino to Brooklyn, they would receive a million bucks each. Minnow, Pancho and Lefty were enthusiastic but Uztopoke just scratched his eye with his finger.
"I'll do it for two mil." He said. Don Gambino accepted.
So they went to Austin, where the guns will be within hours. Meanwhile they went to the Bonnano Bar. Joe Bonnano was the thirteen-year old head of the local gang. He talked too much and only shit. His most powerful rival was Don Vercetti, who provided the boys with women. Suddenly, other of Uzi's personalities appeared. It was Stillpokes! He hated Uztopoke and when he appeared he wielded on his hand an enormous...

...volume of unanswered Mafia questions. Just then an apparition appeared in the yard:
"Who's that old geezer outside? What the f***'s he doin'?"
They stared--out in the yard, Turnbull, last seen bending elbow in ginmill, was practicing (actually, limping and creaking) a primitive dance called "The Frug," that only he was old enough to remember. The dance steps were drawn on a stone tablet, signed by Moses. "Let's put the old bastard out of his misery," said Snake, drawing his Colt Model 1911. "Better not," said plawrence, who had mysteriously materialized from the Meadowlands, carried forward by a kicked football. "That guy's the best source of bulk free bullshit around. Kill him an' we'll have to buy our fertilizer..."
"...an' answer our own Mafia questions, too," intoned the others. Instead, they decided to...

...Dance with Turnbull! Yeah! They all moved their legs and waists in a jubilant dancing with frenessi. Stillpokes, Plawrence, Turi, Snake, Lefty, Pancho, Minnow and Uztopoke danced for hours. After finishing they asked Turnbull questions about the Mafia.
"I suggest you to go with Don J Geoff. He is the greatest mobster of the East Coast. He can give ya help." He said. He then showed his Harley Davison.
After drinkin in Bonnano's bar, a young schoolteacher came by. Thwe Italian Stallionete they called her. She had some books and she read them they felt asleep.
At morning, Turi woke just to find that...

....Uz was in the bathroom puking after accidentaly ingesting some brake fluid the night before in a desperate but ill fated attempt to kill Hatchet Hank and StillPokes.
Fearing that if Uz died....

Turi bent over Uzi and kicked him a couple times with the tip of his high heels. He began to whine. Little sobs of confusion and despair.

Turi drew him mouth close to Uzi's, mumbling to himself. He pressed his lips againsts Uzi's and blew blew blew.

"Ahhhh, blow, young man, blow," Uzi spoke softly.

Turi, in a fit of embarrassment, slapped Uzi in the mouth, drawing blood. Uzi then ripped off Turi's skirt and wrapped it around his head. Lifting Turi above him, Uzi makes a quick push toward the ceiling, tossing Turi through the drywall and up into the apartment above.

Feeling remorse for the cute little fella, Uzi climbed the stairs to the neighbor's pad. Inside.....

they found Minnow standing there with his mouth wide open in SHOCK! IN SHOCK I SAY! Minnow was wondering how the hell he got mixed up with a bunch of cross dressing weirdos! Whatever......They all got together and had themselves a meeting. They decided that they had to get the hell outta Texas because the county mountis were getting wind that they were in town raising hell.
They knew that they were gonna have to kick some ass, but they remembered that they had help comin' from Paraguay. They all loaded up in to the van, with Scarlett's arms around Turi as he drove Turi said......

..."Damn Woman, Have you been wearing the same clothes since Frisco, you reek? I'm gonna pull off at the next exit to get some gas and I am sure I have some dresses in the back in my bag that will fit you." "Thanks Turi", Scarlett replied, "You always did have cool taste in clothes."
Pulling into a Texaco station in El Paso Turi tells Scarlett to go ahead and change while he gases up and has UZ go in to get them all something to eat. While walking inside Uz notices a wanted poster of himself taped up on the front door. The clerk, some guy in a orange turban says to Uz............

Hey you! The rest rooms are not free! They are for paying customers only! You must buy something! Uz walks over to the little foreign man and grabs him by the shirt, smelling his musky body odor, puts his .40 cal Glock to his head and says,"the only thing that your gonna have to be worried about being paid for is your fuckin' funeral, keep your stinkin' ass mouth shut and mind your own fuckin' business."

Just as Uz releases the man an off duty cop walks through the door,"Freeze mother fucker, El Paso P.D. I'll blast your fuckin' head off!" With Uz's qick witted mind he grabs the foreign man and uses him as human shield taking him hostage. Minnow and friends are outside just realizing what is going on in the gas station, they grab their hand guns and run to the building to help Uz out. When they opened the front door.........

...There stands Captain Suarez!!! Paralized by the appearence, Minnow doesn't know what the hell he's going to do next.
Then, they heard Scarlett yelling: Captain Suarez stood with the bounty hunters. Shotguns, Uzis and AK-47s on their hands.
Memphis Snake Russel fires three shots at one of the hunters' head while Lefty and Pancho started to shoot with their AK-47s.
Meanwhile, Uztopoke has two Uzis aiming at the cop. The cop fires at Uzi but the bullets smashed at the clerk's body. Uztopoke makes a run to the back door. When he opens the door, the famous actor Tom Cruise stands there. When he saw him, Uztopoke decided to...

....beat the ---- out of him just cause any guy who looks like him just deserves it on principle.
Leaving Tom in a wimpering mess on the ground Uz notices an interesting Black man sitting in a Malibu across the parking lot. Carjacking at the moment seeming to be his only option Uz points one of his guns at the Black man and orders him out of the car. At the moment, this man, Jules Winfield.........

...who had been a hitman, but now was a reverend, ask him:
"Hi my son. Where are you going?"
"Get outta my way! I need a car!"Uztopoke shouted.
He punched Winsfield down. But Winsfield's dark side returned as he took a Magnum.
"Hey muddafucka! Prepare to die fucker!" He yelled. But Uztopoke turned the engine up. Just before he escaped he spotted two men: Mob Boss Marcellus Wallace and Joe Bonnao, the talk-a-lot-of-crap bar owner. What he was going to do? Uztopoke thought. If he killed the Mob Boss, the World would be a better place. But Bonnano had insulted him and talk too much. Then he press the accelarator ready to kill...

...When all of a sudden, Scarlett, with Pancho and Lefty on either side of her, comes to his rescue like John Wayne in True Grit, with Uz two Uzi's blazing in each hand!!
Bonanno, Marcellus Wallace and Jules, sufereing from deadly fatal wounds lay sprawled in the parking lot.
"Man, we need to get the f--- out of Dodge and quick" says Uzi. Scarlett replies, "We gotta swing around and pick up Turi first, you know we never leave anyone behind."
Somehow they all manage to pile into Vincent Vega's classic Malibu and head back on the interstate towards LA.
While cruising along at a Federally approved safe level of speed Uz happens to look into his rearview mirror and spots................

...Godzilla!!! Who was following Captain Suarez and the Hunters who at the same time where pursuing Uzi and company.
When all felt lost, an undertaker called Cammilus Don came by armed with...

Giorgio Luigi Gambino.

....a surface to air missle packed with embalming fluid wich put a hasty end to Godzilla's rampage.
After recovering from this momentary but rather vivd acid flashback....

...A body came out of Godzilla's face!!! Rosie O'Donnel!!!
The rest was paralyzed and they could barely move. CamDon took out a shovel and battled against O'Donnell.
Uztopoke shot three times against Captain Suarez who died instantly. Uzi went to the car and started the engine. But when he started it he spotted a...

Giorgio Luigi Gambino.

...dead dawg in the seat, killed by a Tennessee Highway Patrolman who had trailed Snake from Memphis. Uzi looks over his shoulder at his makeshift gang and says,...

....."Snake, you know we should have died back there. This was divine intervention. The hand of God came down from Heaven and protected us. I have had what alcoholics call a "Moment of Clarity", I am giving up my old live of crime and going to walk the Earth until I end up wherever God wants me to be." Snake, so stunned he cannot reply for almost a full minute says, "So, you're going to become a bum huh?" After pondering this comment for a moment Uz replies, "You're right man, but I know for sure I need to get out of this country and fast. I have come to a decision, you and I are heading out on the first plane to..........."

... Amsterdam. My ex girlfriend went there to have a sex change operation ... but it went horribly wrong. Now she looks like a cross between michael jackson and Larry King but has two couches we can crash on while figure out how we'll ...

...get the money to get to Amsterdam." Unbeknownst to Uz, he had been being tracked by Global Positioning Satellite since San Francisco by the CIA's mastermind in computer Technology JGeoff Yoshimuri, former child prodigy recruited by the CIA out of MIT at the age of 12.
Yoshimuri had been tracking Uz for the CIA since Uz's days as a mercenary in..............

... Katmandu while UZ was fighting for Hassan I Sabbah and his band of hashishans. Only by inducing Yoshimuri to smoke a huge chillum of hash and then enticing the cia man to consume a twinky which contained a large amount of GHB, the date rape drug; did UZ manage to make his escape ... but not before ...

....running into George W. Bush, Governor of the State of Texas, flown in to the area by his father The President of the UNited States on secret mission to try and destabilze the Government. It was only a brief meeting but Uz we very impressed by Dubya's uncanny ablity to appear stupid while dealing with these people. Uz knew it was only a ruse and that Dubya's was really as smart and cunning as they come.
After U's meeting with Dubya, Yoshimuri was able to track him to Los Angeles were Uz hooked up with former childhood friend Kato Kaelin and roomed for a while at the mansion of a friend of Kato Kaelins, former football great and current wife beater OJ Simpson. OJ's and Uz volatile personalities clashed one evening when Uz tried to make a move on OJ"s slutty mistress Tawny Kitean. OJ waled in On Uz attempting to score with Tawny and.......

threatened to beat him down with this stolen satellite equpiment. There is banging on the door....the door is kicked and

... and it is none other than Johnny Cochran, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, who then forcibly drag Uz out of the house and throw him into OJ's football shaped pool to cool him off.
Uz decides hes had enough of this scene and hikes up to Wilshire Blvd. where he begins to hitchike. Not 30 seconds later a Hummer pulls over and no other than...............

...Robert DeNiro who---after been in many bad flicks---has a part-time job as a transportation driver.
Uztopoke hops into the Hammer and orders DeNiro to go to the postal office.
The car pulls on the office, where Uzi picks up a big wooden box. Inside there are the guns and ammunition Don Gambino promised them for the battle.
Uzi takes out an M61--with a grenade launcher attached to it ---and aims it to the postal officer.
"I want to use the computer. NOW!!!" He shouts.
The postal clerks throws him a laptop. Uzi gets in the Net and e-mails the boys. They will be on contact on three hours, in the mission of the Alamo.
Just before Uzi gets out, the postal clerk appears with a pump-action shotgun.
"Nobody aims at me muddafucka!"He shouted.
Then Uzi aims at the clerk and shoots a grenade. The postal officer is blown to bits. Before getting out of there, Uzi found a photograph of this guy. His name was...

...JGeoff Yoshimuri. UZ's mole at the CIA found out that JGeoff had been assigned to track Uz as a security threat. Now Uz knew that every move he made would be tracked by the Government. He knew then that he would have to come up with a drastic plan to throw them off his path.
He decided then that the best place to go underground was San Francisco. He had many contacts back there from his days as the number one LSD dealer in the Haight-Ashbury area. He decided to look up his old friend Turi, who back then was working as ................

Hi Scarlett!

...a bartneder in a strip club. After e-mailing the boys, Uzi went to the Strip Club. They had changed the Alamo for the club(what a choice ). Minnow, Scarlett, Memphis Snake, Lefty, Pancho, CamDon and Turi were waiting.
"We need to move fast and swift. The Gov'mint and the head hunters are lookin' for us." Memphis Snake said.
"Aye. We must move now. I got a Model Home in the yard. There are four beds and sofa. It'll be enough." Turi interjected.
Uztopoke agreed and they started to travel. Little they know, that J Geoff Malta---the head of a powerful message board cartel---was keeping track of them at the suggestion of his consigliere, SC.
It all happen when the gang stopped at a Picnic Place. In the picinic place, a family, whose name was...

Giorgio Luigi Gambino.

security gaurd in China Town! LOL! Turi told Uz to meet him at Pier 39 at the seal over look so they could mingle with other tourists and no one notice them. The Pier is just a short walk from China Town so Uz decided he would go to an old China tea shop and see if he could get an herbal remedy for his venerial disease. Anywhoooo....Uz met up with Turi at 5:00 sharp as promised to discuss their next course of action.

The seals barking and yelping were getting in Turi's nerves along with all the damn tourists and their cackling so he decided to take the conversation up stairs to the sports store, who he thought he saw in the sports store was amazing! He knew it! He was followed from China Town by LDV!

I knew it was her, she died her hair blond and has fake tattoos on her arms. That sorry assed 9'ers fan, I will show her! He walks up to LDV and.......................