...... Says, "That insanely jealous husband of yours is nowhere around is he?" Uz knew that LdV had no idea that it was him who had whacked Richard Gere Vitaski with the cactus and killed him. "NO Uz", she replied dejectedly, "He's dead." "Damn, I'm sorry Sweetie." After a second LDV snapped out of her bummer mood and said "But Uz, it's ok, because Richie left me 20 million dollars and now I run Vitaski Snowglobe manufacturing."
Within moments Uz kew that God does work in mysterious ways, here he was, in need of money and here is a woman, in need of a husband to help her spend it!! "Sweetie, I have a proposal to make to you............

...Be my partner in crime and we shall go to the stars and beyound" Uzi said. These words he had learned them from a poetry classroom on High School, before it was burnt down.
"MMM. Let me think of it." LDV said.
"C'mon marry me! I have a Mobile Home Turi gave me. We can travel." Uzi insisted.
"I have to think." LDv repeated.
Uzi lost his patientce. He took one of his Uzis and aiming it at her, he said.
"MARRY ME!"
Then, LDV said...

Giorgio Luigi Gambino.

what are you kidding me? I have never seen a man with such a small package before in my life! There is nooooo way in hell I will marry you! Besides I like woamn anyways and your breath stinks. And if you think that for one second I am gonna live in some low rent trailer home you are seriously fucked up in the head! I require diamonds and champagne not fleas and white trash!

The gun inches closer to her head and Uz says.....

"Shut up and get in the car, we are going to Vegas to get married." Seeing no avenue of escape at the moment LDV reluctantly gets behind the wheel of her red BMW Roadster and begins the long drive towards Las Vegas.
After arriving in Las Vegas Uz demands that LDV rent a room for them at the "Stardust", Uz heads directly towards the casino with $10,000 of LDV's money. The first person he runs into unfortunately is Ginger Rothstein, former hustler and now current lush wife of mob connected Ace Rothstein, Beverage and Entertainment Director of The Stardust. "Hey Baby", Ginger says to Uz, "I have something a little more exciting you can waste your money on than those slots, you wanna.................

head up to my penthouse suite and rustle around under the covers?"

Uz is no fool (that is yet to be determined) and says I have a few spare moments and they head up to the 30th floor to make some WHOOPI! While what's her name and Uz are going at it in the bedroom, the boss man opens up the front door and walks into the kitchen to get some beer. While he opens the ice box up he hears his ol' lady moaning in the bedroom and wants to see what she is up to....he opens the door....and he saw this scrawny little boy disrespecting him.He grabs the boy (Uz) and throws him against the large bay windows but Uz does not fall through. Uz reaches for his Glock but when he does..........

...He realises he has a sausage instead of the Glock! He tries to return to the room, but the boy kicks his hands. So, Uz takes one of his hands and taking one of the kids legs he makes an unbeliavable move! The kid falls down, yelling like Macauly Culkin in "The Good Son".
The kid leaps down and falls. His body crushes in the superior section of a limousine.
But Uz is still hanging. He's going to fall, but just when his hands are falling dow, somebody grabs him. Uz looks up! Is one of his comrades....!

Giorgio Luigi Gambino.

.....Tony Rockihara, Uz's half Black Half Samoan friend from LA. Tony, who now had a speech impediment after being thrown out of a 4 story window my his former boss Marcellus Wallace pulled Uz back into the room and said in his raspy voice, "Man Uz, I really saved your ass this time, so now we are even. I survived being thrown out a 4 story window over a woman and lived but I don't think you would have made it thru this one."
After composing himself Uz heads back to the bedroom to get dressed and notices Ginger is going thru his clothes looking for his money, he says to her..............

Look bitch! Do you know who I am? I am the son of a son of a sailor (Jimmy Buffet), I do not have any money, every time that I need a little cash I have to call Minnow, so get your dirty little fingers outta my clothes! Uz decides that he really needs to get back to his roots and find his friends. He picks up a public telephone and calls Turi collect (1800-collect that is), Turi says that he and the gang are just leaving for New Mexico to go and visit LDV and maybe hook up with some of her friends.

Uz disappointed that Turi did not offer him a plane ticket there decided he would thumb it all the way to New Mexico. He starts thumbing and after an hour of doing so an 18 wheeler pulls over and......................

......who is driving it? None other than Jan Michael Vincent!!! Uz, speechless at seeing his old friend of many years ago says to Jan, "My God Jan, is that really you? It has to have been 20 years. Last I heard you were a hopeless alcoholic living on Skid Row and beyond all help." Jan, with a big grin on his face replies, "Yeah Uz, I was a mess, after our show got cancelled and I statred getting older and losing my looks I couldn't handle it and hit the bottle. But one day while I was sitting out on Fairfax with my drinking buddies...........

...When i saw this guy, barfing in the road. Then i understood the meaning of life: don't eat witout consent of your friends." Jan said.
Uztopoke's mind was blank: He didn't understood what the hell this guy was talking about. But anyways he hopped and the car. Jan speed away.
They weren't five miles far when Jan's vehicle hit somebody.
"Holy Shit! Look what you just fucking did!" Uztopoke siad, apparently disturbed.
Thjey both searched the body and sure enough, there was...

Giorgio Luigi Gambino.

... a pair of keys in the guy's underwear. taking the keys, Uz wandered over to the car, a black buick, which the guy had juast exited further up the road. Jan, pondering what his friend was up to, followed, worrying what to do with the body. without a word, Uz, as coolly as ever, lit a marlboro, and opened the trunk. in there he found a corpse, pale and foul-smelling, its eyes glaring into oblivion. as if he had been expecting the discovery, Uz, stode back over to the guy in the road. seaching the guy's wallet, he found that his name was Joseph Bonnano. the guy in the trunk, according to a pizza business card, was someone called Mr. Vercetti.
Jan had been watching this in awe, and when Uz picked up the knocked over victim by the armpits and struggled with it into the trunk to join Vercetti, he thought of calling the police. but he didn't. he couldn't do it to his good friend Uz, could he? Uz told him to follow him. Uz got into the buick and drove off down the road, while a bewildered and suddenly frantic Jan got into his own vehicle, made a U-turn, and sped off in pursuit...

..Of his crazy friend Uz.
Uztopoke sped frantically, with rage filling his eyes. He didn't know what to do now. But something disturbed him: He had killed "Crazy Joe" Bonnano on the gas station. How come this Vercetti had his corpse.
Then he heard a CLICK...Vercetti sat at the back of the car, with a 9 mm pistol at Uzi's neck.
"All right Dumbass, take me to the place I want to go or I'll blown your fuckin brains outta your fucking head. Obey me and nothing will happen to you." Vercetti said.
Uztopoke remained calm. He decided that obeying Vercetti will be the only choice at the moment.
He steered the wheel on the road. Jan was following him.
"Where do you wanna go, friend?" Uzi asked.
"I ain't your fuckin' friend. Take me to..."

Giorgio Luigi Gambino.

...the internet café."

"sure, can i ask why?" uz asked this in his extra cool way

"coz i wanna fuck your mother, dumbass!"

"really? well i don't think you'll find her in the internet café, but..."

vercetti looked stunned at the sarcasm. Jan was still following, oblivious to the fact that his friend was driving with a pizza stained 9mm pointed at his neck. they pulled up to the internet café. uz followed vercetti in, on the latter's orders. vercetti logged into a site that seemed to be some kind of gangster board or something and he spent ten minutes typing. on askin what he was doin, Uz was replied with: "sending 5000 posts on here, i gotta get to boss by the end of this week!"

Uz didn't have a clue what this pizza guy was on about. Vercetti finished and ordered Uz back to the car. Jan had almost pissed himself with fright on seeing the gun, but still managed to follow them.

"where we going now?" Uz asked. but before Vercetti could answer, Uz turned around with super fast actions and...

...Hit him with a salami that was hid on a compartiment.
Vercetti jerked his head, his eye was purple.
Uztopoke pressed the brakes. Jan did so too. Uztopoke got out of the car and with Jan's help, took the knocked Vercetti out.
"OK muddafucka, you tried to fuck with me, uh." Uztopoke shouted mockingly. "Now, let's see who's the best motherfucker of all!"
Jan stood impassively, he waited Uztopoke's words.
Uztopoke moved his jaw for three seconds.
"I'm gonna tell ya what I'm going to do now: I'll call my friends, Lefty and Pancho and Snake and Turi and Scarlett and Minnow. But before, we are going to take charge of this bastard. We are going to..."

Giorgio Luigi Gambino.

"...Find a nice high bridge. We'll strap him with a rope, and let him hang there for half an hour upside down." So, they went to find a good bridge and finally found one, they hung him upside down, for about an half hour and they could see his face turning red, now, Uzto cuts the rope for about 75%. They saw someone standing, but they coulden't do anything, because he was under the bridge and could get away with ease if they would try to chase them. the witness picked his cellphone and dialed 911. They knew they were in big problem, and Uzto said "If the rollers won't be here in 15 minutes you'll be sleeping with the fishe, literally!" So, they let him hang and got the f*ck outta there.

...to the city of Miami, where the rendezvous with gang was going to happen.
Uztopoke sat on a large chair(a la Michael Corleone)
And said with a Cuban cigar on his mouth.
"We need to move fast. The Feds, the cops, the hunters and those gangsters are following us. We must get outta Miami. Don Gambino sent us lotsa weapons. We are going to the Washington Military Camp. I'll hijack one helicopter while you hijack tanks. Let's move."
And so, they hopped on Turi's Mobile Home and went to the interstate road. Just on the middle of the road, they met a family. This family was..."

Giorgio Luigi Gambino.

... The Jorleone Family. They closed a deal, if they would help to assasintate DV they would get 20% of their gambling operations for the upcoming 6 months. But, they had to think up a plot...

"The Contra Feds Attack" was the code name.
After three hours, they finally arrived at the camp. Two soldiers guarded the gates.
"May I have your IDs?" One of the soldiers said.
"Yeah sure. This is our IDs" Uztopoke said, taking out his two Uzis firing them at the two soldiers.
Snake was driving. He pressed the accelerator asd destroyed the barbed wire gate.
Then they spotted a huge F18. Uztopoke, Lefty and Pancho came near the pilot.
"Get out of the jet motherfucker, if you don't move I'll kill ya." Said Uztopoke, aiming his Uzis at the pilot.
But the pilot went stupid. He took a Dostoyevski pistol out and fired at Uzi. Uzto wasd unscratched, but Pancho fired the pump-action shotgun he owned at the pilot's chest.
He was a bloody mess when Uztopoke took him out. He started the ship and went flying.
But four jets followed him. His first reaction was...

Giorgio Luigi Gambino.

"What the hell am I doing here anyways?" At that moment one of Uz's other personalities emerged, the one who calls herself "Ginger Grant".
Screaming in high pitched horror Uz/ Ginger.........................

...Took control of the ship and started to maneauver wkth a high level of profesionalism. This personality was Uztopoke's military side.
One of the jets fired a rocket, but "Ginger Grant" moved the jet laterally, avoiding the rocket which hit another of the jets.
Then, Grant started to fire bullets at the other three. He destroyed another yet. He fired another rocket and destroyed the other one. But the last one was really hard. The pilot moved and moved the controls, until Uztopoke finally launched another missil on the jet.
When the batlle was over, Ginger Grant dissapeared. But when Uztopoke woke, he noticed that...

Giorgio Luigi Gambino

...he was laying in his bed in Houston. After lying there for a moment trying to get hs mind cleared he wondered aloud; "Was it all just a dream? No way man, it was just to vivid." After deciding that maybe a long hot shwower was the best thing for him Uz is happily enjoying it when he hears the bathroom door slowly open and he sees a female form walking toward him, obviously nude. The shower door slowly opens and inside steps Uz girlfriend, Pam Ewing, wife of the Chairman of Ewing Oil Bobby Ewing.
"I've left Bobby, Uz", says Pam while lathering Uz up and enjoying herself immensely, but we have a big problem.................

...you're on the news!" she told Uz.

"what?!" he was a little bewildered.

"the cops are looking for a murder suspect, last seen on a country road carrying a dead guy into the back of a trunk! is it true? tell me it isn't true."

he took a while to answer. was it true? he remembered it. but had thought it was a dream. what the hell is going on? he asked himself, before recollecting his thoughts and answering Pam. "No." his eyes were stones, staring straight past Pam.

"oh, good! i knew you wouldn't do a thing like that!" but then there was a knock at the door.

Uz went to the window and looked down onto the street below. what he found was half a dozen mobsters bearing tommy guns. the knocker of the door was none other than Bobby Ewing. Uz had to act fast. he decided to....

....get out of the shower and make a quick 911 call to have the police help him in getting away from Bobby Ewing.
After getting out of the shower and drying off quickly Uz called 911. In a frantic and hysterical voice Uz told the 911 operator that...........

....they should get there ASAP and expect fireworks! with that, he armed himself with a pump action shotgun and four grenades.

he ran down the stairs and, almost in slow motion, opened the door. he didn't step out of course. he let the door open, but he crouched in the corner behind it in the hall. Ewing's henchman fired a barrage of lead into his doorframe, ripping it apart instantly. he waited, patiently. the sound of the onslaught was tremendously vibrant. the guns seemed to stop at the same time. he heard the men frantically changing their magazines on the lawn outside. this is when he decided to move.

without a moment's hesitation, he....

...Ran like in "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" firing and with bullets grazing near him. He shoot his shotgun two times, killing hit men. Granades exploded and destroyed cars and avenues. He then, took his famous uzis and fired at the gangsters.
He stopped frantically. He spotted two figures standing in the smoke: Lefty and Pancho!
Uztopoke felt his heart full of joy as he...

Giorgio Luigi Gambino.

.....ran towards them, but his happiness was short lived when the closer he got to Pancho and Lefty he saw an outline of a figure standing behind them holding a shot gun. Uz stopped dead in his tracks.
It was none other than Robert Blake, former chid star and TV cop who had been holding a grudge against Uz since the late 1970's. Uz knew he was in a world of sh-- right now and that he had better do some fast talking. But it was Blake that spoke first.
""Life's bitch, ain't it Uz? I bet you thought you saw the last of me when my wife ran off with you and you made the network drop my show. Now it's time to answer for what you did to me, I've waited 25 years for this."
At that exact moment, after a quick and knowing look had passed between Pancho, Lefty and Uz, Pancho and Lefty quickly dropped to the ground while Uz............

...Fired his M-61 at Blake. Lefty and Pancho had predicted this move, so they ducked to be out of fire range.
Blake was mutilated by fifty bullets, dying horribly.
After killing Blake, Uzi started to kill the rest of the men along with Lefty and Pancho. In a few minutes, Uzi's old comrades arrived: Snake, Turi, Turnbull, Minnow, Scarlett, Cammilus Donald, etc. When they finished the killings, Uzi sat on the street.
Just then, a limo pulled by and a tall man dressed a-la-Humphrey-Bogart stepped out.
"Hi," He said. "I'm the consigliere of Don Jeff Geoff Malta , who's very interested in you. My name is Samuel Christian, but people call me...

Giorgio Luigi Gambino.

...SC. i have come to offer you the chance of being a purple chairmang in our Family. do you accept? it features other family members such as the famous (and infamous) names like...

...Tony Lombardi, Capo de la Cosa Nostra, Turnbull, Scarlett, MC14, La Dolce Vita, TIS, Snake, Alexander Supalov, Ricardo, CamDon, Mobbing for Money..."
"Wait! All those names are familiar!" Uz yelled.
"That's right" His friends said. "We are all members of Geoff's Family, except Lefty and Pancho. They don't know how to use a computer."
Uztopoke thought for a minute.
"What do I have to do?"
"Just sign this." SC said, producing a sheet of paper out of his coat. Uzto had to put his name, e-mmail, favortite movie, location, etc...
"You are going to receive protection and money. You'll be the Don's second in command, after me of course." SC said.
"I don't like the name Chairman. I wanna be a Chairmang" Uztopoke said asd he handed the sheet back to SC.
"Done, now we must go."
"Wait!" Uzto said. "I gotta finish this. I have to hit three persons, and one of them is President GW...

Giorgio Luigi Gambino

.....Bush, Henry Hill and Osama Biin Laden. ..........Geoff said to Uz, "You do what you have to do first, then, you come and work for us." Uz new he would have quite a future in that Family.
Now, it was time to get his plans together for the hits. He knew there was only 1 man he could take with him for a job like this, his old friend from Las Vegas, Tony Spilotro........