Word has just come in that the Chicago Outfit is alive and well and — in fact — experiencing a major resurgence of their membership ranks and rackets.

Contrary to what some have stated for years already — several very reliable Windy City ‘underworld sources” say they’re more than alive and well, that they’re now reportedly on the upswing. One Federal source (who asked to remain anonymous) stated, “Over the last few years we’ve been witnessing a major resurgence of the Outfit’s power as they have quietly, but steadily, grown and expanded their operations.

The Chicago Mob now reportedly boasts over 1,000 members and there is speculation that they — as they did back in the 1920s through 1970s era — once again now control nearly all ‘traditional’ organized crime in the area. Other sources have even gone so far as to say they now control ALL organized crime from coast to coast” — New York to California.

Federal sources also released the names of who the authorities now believe currently heads up the Outfit. Several of those listed are blood relatives of old Capone Gang members. Their names and reputed hierarchy positions are as follows;

> Overall Outfit Boss: Phyllis (The Waitress) Ricca — In a brand new twist (in keeping with modern times) informants have told their handlers that the Outfit has nominated the first woman gangster to ever head the Windy City underworld.

Phyllis Ricca is reportedly — a third-cousin, twice removed, on her Aunt Tillie’s friend’s side, by osmosis, to former boss Paul Ricca’s milkman. The FBI also warns that Phyllis is an accomplished assassin (she also reportedly serves up one mean Spanish-styled omelette)

> Underboss: Timothy (Tunafish-Sandwich Tim) Accardo — He was described as the Outfit’s capable new #2 man. Ostensibly the legitimate owner of a tunafish canning factory, he is also reportedly a very, very, very, very distant nephew of the late mob boss, Anthony (Big Tuna) Accardo.

> Caporegima: Angelina (Angie the Angel) LaPietra, aka; “Safety Pin Angie.” — Reportedly a top Capo. Another female gangster, Angie is considered one of the Outfit’s most vicious killers. LaPietra has been known for hanging her victims by their earlobes from multi-color plastic safety pins while torturing them by playing the theme song to ‘The Sound of Music’ over and over and over and over again.

> Gus (Greasy Spoon) Guzikos — Considered the Outfit’s new accountant and financial overseer, The new administration has also reportedly put Greasy Spoon in charge of all “shake down” collections for the city’s diners, dive restaurants, and — well — greasy spoons.

Side Note: This is just a preliminary first report. As more information becomes available to the newly resurrected Chicago Crime Commission, follow up reports will be provided.

It's bad enough you already spam the forum with your crao you claim is legit but now this? Please give it a break

Ahhh…Mafia101. So nice of you to join us again. I see you’re paying attention to all things ButtonGuys — as per usual.

…Good boy.

This thread is called providing a bit of “comic relief” from the usual business at hand. But you’d already know that if you had any sense of humor — any sense at all — or knew your way around a bit better than you do.

You should have payed attention when your parents advised you to “stay in school.”
—

On another note, I always find it comical that those who contribute the least in life — people such as yourself — exhibit the sheer ignorance and audacity to dare critique those of us who provide the most.

Now here’s a question for you….

What have you ever brought to this forum aside from divisive, negative comments designed to sow disharmony?

I will answer my own question. You bring nothing, absolutely nothing — that’s what!

One can only wonder where you keep all the articles and content that YOU have meticulously researched over the years. Because one thing’s for sure. You certainly don’t publish any of them here!

Like the old saying goes, “The proof is in the pudding!”

I strongly suggest you get off your mommy’s couch, go back to school, and get your GED. Hopefully, it will help improve your reading and comprehension skills.

Either that, or go out and get yourself a job! I hear they're hiring at McDonalds.