What's for sure is that a long marriage calls for a lot of compromise, devotion and patience. Being a selfish person that I'm, I'm not optimistic that I could stay married for even two years. Really, it scares me to think about commitment.

But there is something I don't understand; why and how a marriage fails, say after over ten years?

I mean if two people've managed to live that long, what makes them decide they can no longer live together?

These kind of cases are rare around here, usually if couples could pass over six to ten years with no big problem, they are very likely to stay together forever, so that's why I'm wondering what problems could fail a marriage after a decade of living together for those living in other countries. (It's only me from Iran, right? )

I would say two main reasons:

1) As the couples age the sex drive of one might run out while the others enhances, the sex life falls apart and either leads to the marriage diminishing or one cheating etc.

2) Money problems, if one loses their job or starts racking up a lot of debt.

That's a good point. Couples here, still being old fashioned would compromise on sex issues a lot...

Being married for 19 years, I feel I can answer that question. There are many reasons that people divorce after years of marriage. As noted, there could be a loss of passion, or money problems. Often, people fight over their children, too. I can also tell you that I'm surprised WHY some people get married. They do it because they get to a certain age, and all their friends are married, so they decide it's time for them to settle down, or they're afraid of being alone. Either way, true love is missing. Or people mistake passion for love, and when it fizzles out, they realize that there's nothing left to hold them together. I could go on and on, but I won't.

I do feel compelled to add that marriage is an awful lot of work. It takes so much compromise and a certain amount of keeping your mouth shut and turning a blind eye. Sometimes, people just get tired. They don't want to do the work any longer, and I think that does it.

After being married for 17 years and then divorced, I feel that I can answer that question, too.

Wow, SB, in my case it is scary to feel completely what you say before I get into all that. But if someone could do that for 10 years, he/she would be used to that compared to someone at the beginning.


I was hoping to hear from you and TIS especially, if you don't mind.

Let's just say that she didn't want to put up with my bad habits anymore.

What bad habits?! Okay, let's hypothetically say that she got tired of you pointing out her spelling problems. Did you start this habit to remind her of those mistakes after 15 years or you were always like that?

The point is, what takes some people so long to know they are not meant for each other based on things like bad habits?

Agree with all the above and i also feel our interests change over the years too!
What we enjoyed together 10-15 yr's ago we no longer enjoy, and the passion is just not strong enough to care and work it out together anymore. Divorced after 20yr's of marriage.

When I got married, the priest said you have to be willing to give, unconditionally. So 34 years later, I'm still giving and so is my wife. But I think I give more

I feel like Ive seen a lot of instances of long married couples getting divorced after all of their kids are grown and moved out. Just being left alone like that with one another, and not feeling as though they have to stay togethor for their kids, just makes them want to divorce.

Can I ask you how old you and your husband were when you got married?

People change, Afi.

Not being married so I may be entirely off-base, but I've read that every human being has a particular way that they want to be loved - some want attention, some want gifts, others may want kind words, etc...

If you can figure out what your spouse's particular type of love is (and he/she figures out yours in return), both sides would be more willing to overlook the negatives that are bound to happen and both will be happy in the marriage.

I think some marriages fail because the particular need of one spouse or maybe both spouses aren't being filled.

What if you want all of the above? :p

I think the phrase for that is "high-maintenance." :p

It's not that they don't want the other things, it's just that they value one definition of love more than others.

One thought here... People may also have a particular way they want to love, and if the other wants to be loved in a way unpleasant for me ...
I think that the more you think the more you understand that marriage is a kind of fantastic. How do they marry at all?

Can I ask you how old you and your husband were when you got married? [/b][/quote]Yes i was 19 he was 20.

let me tell you this story about my friend. when he was 20(about a year and a half ago) he started dating some girl who was 24, and within the first two months of dating she gets pregnant. so shotgun wedding. he claims to love her when i tell him not to get married, so i finally give in and believe that maybe this might work. they get married. she had her kid about 8 months ago. he, as a friend, told me he's been cheating on her with different girls since before they were married and she has no clue. and the worst part is when he brings them to my house for me to meet them, always a different face, always a different name. and it sucks, becase it makes me not want to marry one day. it makes me want to live the life of a single person forever.

People change, Afi. [/b][/quote]I don't think people change that much actually, especially men. The thing is women blinded by their passion go through marriage hoping that they can change their man to what they want and then feel frustrated when they are unsuccessful doing so. If you sit and actually think by yourself, trying to put your passions and feelings aside, you may see that if that behavior or habit was from someone you had no feelings about; it would've been unbearable to you. Well, that's how you are going to feel in next ten years worn out trying to change your partner.

I think marrying at a young age also can lead to many problems later. Personality is not exactly stable until mid twenties. For instance, if I had married when I was in early twenties, I might have gone through divorce if my partner didn't want to go abroad. I used to think sky is bluer somewhere else. But now, I've this experience and I wouldn't give up a relationship for adventurous purposes.


Anyhow, thanks everyone for sharing your opinions and thoughts. It is always best to know about others experiences before making a choice.

I don't think people change that much actually, especially men. The thing is women blinded by their passion go through marriage hoping that they can change their man to what they want and then feel frustrated when they are unsuccessful doing so. [/b][/quote]OK, let's say so: people pretend to be what they are not, especially men.

They can't pretend for 10 to 15 years, can they? Getting divorce after two years is not something surprising to me. What had me wondered is that why people would want to get divorce after spending a lifetime (ten years or more) together.

People change, Afi. [/b][/quote]I don't think people change that much actually, especially men. The thing is women blinded by their passion go through marriage hoping that they can change their man to what they want and then feel frustrated when they are unsuccessful doing so. If you sit and actually think by yourself, trying to put your passions and feelings aside, you may see that if that behavior or habit was from someone you had no feelings about; it would've been unbearable to you. Well, that's how you are going to feel in next ten years worn out trying to change your partner.

I think marrying at a young age also can lead to many problems later. Personality is not exactly stable until mid twenties. For instance, if I had married when I was in early twenties, I might have gone through divorce if my partner didn't want to go abroad. I used to think sky is bluer somewhere else. But now, I've this experience and I wouldn't give up a relationship for adventurous purposes.


Anyhow, thanks everyone for sharing your opinions and thoughts. It is always best to know about others experiences before making a choice. [/b][/quote]Afs, your point reminds me of Kay and Michael, even though they were fictional.