Ohio Man Chooses Tree Over Niece
Saving Elm Costs Girl Her Life

By Neal Pulcawer

Lending credence to the argument that environmentalists would rather save a tree than a human life, George Kilmer, a 47 year-old Ohio man said to be a distant cousin of the poet, Joyce Kilmer, made the decision yesterday to save an elm tree that had been on his property for more than one hundred years, at the expense of the life of his sister's 12 year-old daughter.

The unlikely series of events unfolded when the girl, whose name is being withheld at the request of her family because of her age, climbed the tree in Mr. Kilmer's backyard on Sunday, apparently to chase her cat who had climbed the tree earlier in the day and had lodged himself on one of the tree's uppermost branches, afraid to come down.

When the young girl, who was said to be an experienced tree-climber, reached the cat at the top, she found herself unable to climb down when she realized that she needed one of her arms and a hand to carry the cat down with her.

When authorities were called, they determined that the branches at the top of the tree, where both the girl and the cat were now lodged, were too weak to support the weight of an adult rescuer, and that the only way that the two could be saved would be by extending a ladder to the tree's uppermost branches.

When the local Fire Department was called, however, it was decided that the tree's branches would interfere with the extending the ladder, and in order to effect the rescue it would be necessary to chop off most of the tree's upper limbs.

Mr. Kilmer, owner of the property on which the tree stood, as well as the tree itself, refused to allow what he called "an amputation."

"This tree is at least one hundred years old" Mr. Kilmer told authorities. "I refuse to allow its branches to be indiscriminately cut off simply to save a little girl, even if she is my niece."

Despite the desperate and often emotional pleas from his sister, brother-in-law, other family members, and assorted friends and neighbors, Kilmer remained resolute.

Local law enforcement authorities, anxious to save the girl, reportedly sought an injunction in Ohio Superior Court which would have required Mr. Kilmer to allow the rescue operation to proceed, but it was denied by Judge Joseph Maple, a judicial appointee of former president Bill Clinton, who said that "this is a classic case of the government trying to interfere with the property rights of an individual. The tree belongs to Mr. Kilmer, and to grant injunctive relief to the petitioner in this matter would be a clear violation of the Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution.”

Mr. Kilmer, who was represented in the court proceedings by the Ohio Civil Liberties Union, was jubilant over his victory.

"This is my private property, this is my tree, and I'll be damned if the government is going to tell me what to do" he said in a prepared statement outside the courthouse.

With their hands now tied, authorities were unable to do anything but wait the situation out, and as Sunday turned into Monday and Monday into Tuesday, fears for the girl's life began to arise.

Finally, on Tuesday afternoon, sounds could no longer be detected from the top of the tree, and it was feared that the girl had fallen asleep. Up until Tuesday, rescuers on the ground had been able to talk to the girl, who had told them that she was "hungry, thirsty, cold, and tired" and "wanted to come down."

With the Kilmer property ringed by what have become the obsequious satellite trucks belonging to the news media, and with searchlights focused on the top of the tree, the girl finally fell to the ground at 5:30 A.M. Wednesday morning, her cat still cradled in her arms.

The fall of more than fifty feet, during which she bounced of off many of the elm's heavier lower branches, apparently caused massive internal injuries, and she was pronounced dead on arrival at a local hospital.

The cat was unhurt.

Although roundly criticized for his actions in not allowing the girl's rescue, Mr. Kilmer remained obstinate that he had made the right decision.

"My sister can always have another child. This is a one hundred year-old tree, and I consider it irreplaceable" he said. "How can you compare that to the life of a twelve-year old girl?"

I blame George Bush.

Unbelieveable! I have heard of cases where tree branches go into a neighbors yard and the tree owner is required to trim/cut branches. I guess that's different than having a little girl stuck in a tree.

And what a loving brother! :rolleyes: "My sister can always have another child"! WTF This guy has a couple screws loose I think. I guess there are "true" tree huggers. I can understand an attachment to a pet, but to be so attached to a tree that you'd let a child (not to mention a blood relative) die is deplorable.

Btw, couldn't they have gotten a net and have the little girl jump into it??

TIS

Tell Neal that I'm not sure I'm getting this one.

You think they could have kept a blanket or trampoline under the tree and tell the girl to drop the cat down. Who comes up with these rescue plans? :p

Hey TIS, maybe we should ask the author of this article to investigate it more. :p

If the story is true, this man is unsane and should be locked up. What I find totally unbelievable is that nobody could do anything to rescue the girl!

Apparently elm's lower branches were in the way and could cause her injury. :p

Needless to say, trees don't nag for sweets everytime you go the shop.

And, no matter how experienced a climber you are, you need to also practice descending. That's just plain common sense.

What was the cat called?

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Apparently the article proves that the "tree huggers" do think that the life of a tree is more important than a human life. :rolleyes:

Oh man!! I thought it was a "real" story. Silly me. You got me PLaw. What can I say, it's early here. :p


TIS

"Bushie"

Strange coincidence, isn't it? Because it was all the cat's fault.

Maybe that one's false, but the tree-huggers don't mind driving a few spikes into trees to injure/kill lumberjacks. Talk about some screwy priorities.

"Bushie"
[/b][/quote]I laughed so hard that my mom came to my room to check on me and give me that crazy look.

BTW, Thank Neal for me, I wasn't following these conversations lately.

Great one, Plaw. What a relief it's just a fake of a story.... You know, there are so many sickos in the world it might have even been true....

Well, as you yourself has said:

I'd agree. And I generally don't agree with the "extremist" actions of anyone from any of these groups when they start trampling on the rights of others and endangering other people's health and safety.

Amen, plaw. That's scary that we actually agree on something!!

Please.....no "amens" after anything I say.

:p

How about "Halleluja Brother?"


TIS

Ok. How about, "Maranatha"?

Subtle, Neal. Subtle.

I don't care for generalizations, but whatever.

As for this story, as much as I care about the environment, I care more about my family than any f*cking tree. I would think that many environmentalists would agree with me on that, but whatever.

I'm sorry but until I actually SEE a clip or hear a soundbite of the man actually saying this, I refuse to believe it's true. While he did get a bit anal about saving the tree...I'm sure he never intended for, and never expected the girl to die.

And cannot believe that once she DID die, her own uncle would be so crass, so unfeeling as to compare her life to that of a tree.

In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if much of the story is true....

Apple

I was almost believing this until the typos, and, the fact that they didn't use a rescue helicopter... :p

Nonetheless - Good one, Neal!

Neal Pulcawer has, as far as I know, one of the finest reputations for journalistic integrity in the world.

He won the "Journalist Of The Year" award in 2004 from the National Asociation of Journalistic Persiflage, and received the prestigious Art Buchwald/H.L. Mencken Memorial Award in 2003, presented by the Associaton & Spurious Society for Homeland Editorial Superiority"

You too?

A few typos can happen to anyone.

I guess they couldn't use a helicpter because all of the branches or something.

You know those "stately old elms"....

Neal Pulcawer has, as far as I know, one of the finest reputations for journalistic integrity in the world.

He won the "Journalist Of The Year" award in 2004 from the National Asociation of Journalistic Persiflage, and received the prestigious Art Buchwald/H.L. Mencken Memorial Award in 2003, presented by the Associaton & Spurious Society for Homeland Editorial Superiority" [/b][/quote]

"Bushie"
[/b][/quote]JG feel free to delete this one because I have no self control:

So am I too believe this was a Bushie Pussy cat?

Maybe he used Bushie to get pussy.

What kind of people does that society consist of?

You know, this business about all environmentlists automtically being the kind of nuts who would prefer to save a tree instead of a human life is a serious issue.

And all you people want to do is make light of the situation.

You should all take it seriously, as I do.

I'm just mad that I didn't think of it first!