Two nuns are riding their bikes down a lane.
One says ‘I don’t think I’ve come this way before’
The other replies- ‘that will be the cobblestones’

A guy ran a stop sign and hit the side of my car.
We both get out of our vehicles and I see that he's a dwarf.
He has an attitude and says "I'm not happy", to which I reply "Oh,which one are ya?"

Good one !!

Very cute. She hasn't "cum" that way before? Lol

This is a very cute joke also. Bravo

A little humor for you on this blistery cold Christmas Eve morning.
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Q: Why did Eve wanna leave "The Garden of Eden?"

A: Because she fell for The Big Apple!
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Q: Why do people from India love New York City?

A: Because there's a Delhi on nearly every corner!
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Q: Whats the only thing that grows in Harlem?

A: The crime rate!

Q: What is New York State's mascot?

A: The New Yorkie

Drum roll please......

And now for the first Christmas Eve morning joke of the day!
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Q: What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa?

A: A rebel without a Claus.

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you all enjoy the day. I know I will. Christmas is my all-time favorite holiday of the year.

Nothing but Christmas jokes today and tomorrow ok team. Here's one for ya...


Q: Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?

A: Because the presents directly beneath them?

Here's one I found extremely funny.

Q: Why is Santa always so jolly?

A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

If Jesus was born in Italy instead of Bethlehem:

In Bethlehem,Joseph and Mary were told there was no room at the Inn.
In Italy,Giuseppe would have told Maria,"I got a guy at this place,I'll go talk to him"

In Bethlehem, 3 wise men brought gold, frankincense, and myrrh.
In Italy, 3 wise guys would've handed over envelopes stuffed with cash

In Bethlehem, Jesus was entertained by a poor little drummer boy.
In Italy, a comedian would've opened up for a singer.

Funny shit Lou. Real funny (and so true) LOL

Thanks.I actually wrote that one myself.

True story;


Stevie Beef Cannone, before he became consiglieri, ran a tough crew. He was asked by a certain restaurateur for help in a matter concerning the board of health. Phone calls were made, the right people contacted and the problem went away. Around Christmas time, one of Stevie's guys presented him with an unopened envelope from the restaurateur.

He immediately opened it and found a christmas card and inside the card a wad of cash totaling 2k. Being in the Christmas spirit, he gave half the money to the messenger and pocketed the other half. The messenger said, "Stevie, what about TD, he did alot of running around for us on this thing?"

Stevie immediately reached in his pocket and took out the empty christmas card..."Here, give'm da card".

Thats true? Thats funny shit! In other words. Fuck em!

Q: What do you call Santa living at the South Pole?

A: A lost Claus

A bit more Christmas humor for you on Christmas night.....

Q: Why did Santa Claus go to the psychiatrist?

A: He no longer believed in himself
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One more for good measure....

Q: What did Adam say to his wife on Christmas?

A: It's Christmas, Eve!
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Hope all of you had a very Merry Christmas. My family and I just got done a few hours ago after a big day of celebration. It was a wonderful Xmas!

Hahahaha that’s a reminder for wiseguys to mind they’re own business when it comes to a captain and what he does w his fucking money...take the taste and shut the fuck up...funny bro

LOL
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One more Christmas giggle...

Q: Why is Christmas just like your job?

A: You do all the hard work behind the scenes and the fat guy with the suit takes all the credit.

FIRST DAY AT HARVARD UNIVERSITY....

As Mulberry Street's Angelo Parisi carried his suitcase off his flight from New York's LaGuardia Airport, he was thrilled knowing that he was the first member of his family ever accepted to Harvard University.

On his first day at the campus he walked around marveling at all the beautiful buildings at Harvard. He decided to check out their library.

He spotted an upperclassman sitting on a bench, so Angelo approached him and asked, "Hey pal, could ya tell me where the liberry is zat?"

The upperclassman then stated, "Here at Harvard we never end sentences with a preposition. Would you care to rephrase that question properly?"

Angelo looked at him and scowled. Raising an eyebrow he then said to him, "Ok my man, for you, no problem whatsoever," ...."Hey jerk off, tell me where the fuckin liberry is before I give you a swift kick in the ass!"

An Englishman, an Irishman, and an Italian are taken prisoners of war. They hogtie the Englishman, whip him and beat him senseless for 2 hours before he tells all he knows. Then they take the Irishman, they hogtie and beat him for 4 hours before he tells all he knows.


Finally, they take the Italian, hogtie and beat him senseless. The other two men could hear him crying out in pain for nearly ten hours but his captors couldnt get him to tell anything so they let him go.

When the three men regrouped outside, the Englishman took a sip of whisky from his flask and put a shaking hand on the Italian's shoulder and asked him "How'd you go so long and not say anything?"

To which the Italian replied "How could I talk with my hands tied behind my back?"

Lol. Thats funny!

One more;

Old man Luigi was 80. He was sitting on a park bench when his friend, 87 year old Salvatore comes jogging by. He says "I just finished running 5 miles, Luigi, and look Im not even out of breath!".

"Wow, says Luigi. Tell Me Salvatore, what is your secret?"

Salvatore says "I eat a loaf of Italian bread everyday. It gives me all the energy I need all day, and enough to take care of my girlfriends at night!"

Impressed, Luigi makes his way to the corner bakery. He asks the girl behind the counter "Do you have any Italian bread"?

"Of course, how much do you want?"

He says "Give me 5 loafs"

"5 loaves?" She said. "Luigi, you live alone if you get 5 loafs it will get hard as a rock"

"Madonne mia", he says "Was I the only one who didnt know about this Italian bread ?"

Now THAT'S fucking funny! Excellent Mamaluke. I friggin busted out laughing with that one.

I don't if this next one can even get close to what you posted up before Mamaluke, but here goes nothing!
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Three men wanted to make a phone call from down in Hell to remind their relatives to be good, warning them of Hell's harsh conditions.

Their nationalities were American, Italian, and Ethiopian. So they decided to go ask permission of Lucifer the Devil who was the big boss.

Lucifer allowed the American to place his call but the Devil charged him $100 dollars.
Then the Italian stepped up to make his call and the Devil made him pay 50 Euros because of the fact that Italy was a bit less developed than the USA.
Next in line, the Ethiopian was allowed to made his call but the Devil only made him pay 1 single penny.

Upon seeing this, both the American and the Italian starting complaining to the Devil that it wasn't fair to charge them so much more. They wanted to know why the Ethiopian paid so much less.

Lucifer quickly responded, "The Ethiopian had only placed a local call, whereas both of your calls were International."

Hahhaa! Nice one.

One more;

So an Italian immigrant is looking for a job and he comes across a 'help wanted' sign outside of a warehouse. He gets an interview with the foreman which goes well, then the foreman says 'OK I cant hire you until you pass a little math test'. Italian guy says 'OK'.

"First question; without using numbers, represent the number 9";

Italian guy thinks for a second then says "OK thatsa easy". He takes a pencil and paper and draws a tree, then two more next to it.

The foreman says "How does that represent the number 9"

"Thatsa so simple dont you gotta no brains? Theres a tree, and another tree, and another tree, thatsa equal 9'

Foreman says ok fair enough. Next question, using the same rules, represent the number 99.

This time the Italian guy thinks for awhile, then he takes the paper, licks his thumb and smudges the trees. "There" he says

Foreman says, how does that make 99?

Italian guy says ''look. now you gotta dirty tree, and another dirty tree, and another...thata equal 99"

Foreman says 'OK then, lets see you represent the number 100!'

Italian guy thinks a little bit, then he draws a little spot under each tree. "THERE" he says "ONE-A HUNDRED!"

'Now how is THAT a hundred??', asks the exasperated foreman

"It's-a so simple' he says ' a little dog came by and made a poop under each tree. Now you gotta dirty tree and a turd, and another dirty tree and a turd, and a one more makes a 100....when do I start?'

Hey Bo, that was another very good one. I see that with you I got a real run for my money, huh? LOL

Ok, so now I gotta roll up my sleeves and pull another joke out of my socks.....I'm thinkin! I'm thinkin!

But not just any joke because I see that you know your business. LOL

Here goes brother...
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An old Italian man who lived alone in New Jersey wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was extremely difficult work because the ground was so hard.

His only son Vincent who used to help him each year was unavailable because he was behind bars serving a prison term. The old man wrote his son a letter explaining his predicament.

Dear Vincenzo,

I am feeling pretty sad because without you by my side it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomatoes this year. I'm just getting way to old to be digging up the garden anymore. I know if you were still here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the garden plot for me. All my love, Papa

A few days later he received this letter back from his son.

Dear Pop, whatever you do don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies. Love, Vinny.

At 6am the very next morning, teams of FBI agents and forensic experts and local police raided the old man's home with a search warrant. They spent the day digging up the entire garden without finding any bodies. Afterwards they apologized profusely to the old man for their mistake and left the premises. Later that same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop, you can go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

All my love, your son Vinny.

LOL. thats a great one Im going to remember that one!

An Italian gondolier man is rowing along on the canal and singing 'O sole mio ..' in a very beautiful voice. God looks down and says 'what a wonderful creation when I made the Italians! Look how they sing in their love of life!'

Just then, the devil , listening to God said 'eh, its just because you gave him a big brain. If you took away his brain he wouldnt be so happy'.

God said 'sure he would! Its not his brain its his heart. Look I'll take away half his brain...'

So *poof* half the Italians brain was gone but he kept trying to sing "O Sole...O sole.." He couldnt finish but he kept trying.

"See?" said God. "Even with half his brain he still sings!"

But the devil was stubborn. "He still has too much brains, thats why he sings" God said "Oh yeah Ill take away 3/4ths of his brain!"

*Poof* 3/4 of the poor Italian's brain was gone. But still he sang "Oh....OOOOH" He could only remember that one line but he still kept trying to sing.

God, smiling in triumph, said "there! now you see? Even with 3/4 of his brain missing he still sings"

The devil shrugged and said "I'll bet its still his brain" God responded by taking ALL of the poor man's brain away. Now with no brain, both God and the devil listened and heard a high, clear voice sing;

"Ooooh...... Danny-boy the pipes the pipes are caaallling!"