LOL, Madonna, tit-for-tat. I see that with you I got a long-distance runner on my hands, no sprinter.

Ok, I guess I gotta try and up my game a bit. Lol

PS: BTW, that was another good one.

An Italian guy named Vito walks into an Irish Pub and sees a sign posted just inside the entrance vestibule that reads;

Grilled Cheese Sandwiches. $5
Ham and Cheese Sandwiches $15
Hand-Jobs $30

So he approaches the bar, behind which are several gorgeous looking girls serving drinks to a group of starry-eyed drooling men.

The Italian asks one of these knockouts is she's one of the girls who gives the hand-jobs for $30 apiece.

With a sly, demure twinkle in her eye, she purrs yes.

Vito turns to her and says fine, then do me a favor and go wash your hands good with hot soap and water because I want the Grilled Cheese sandwich!

Just before it struck midnight in Midtown last night I raised my left leg as the ball was dropping in Times Square so I could start the New Year off on the right foot.

Thats was a great one, lol. Im out of ammo. Well done, sir.

Take a little breather ML, but I just know you got a few more up your sleeve from where those other jokes came from. LOL

In the meantime, here's another one for those forum members who like it quick and a bit risqué;
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Q: What can a girl put behind her ears to make her look sexier?

A: Her knees!

One more......

Q: Why is a push-up bra like a bag of potato chips?

A: You open it up and its half empty!

Haha

And now we gotta switch it up to a few "Yo Mama" chuckles;
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Yo mama so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory because she kept throwing away all the W's.

Yo mama so stupid she put a food stamp on her telephone bill and tried to mail it.

Frankie and Petey receive "Holy Communion"....
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Like the good Catholic boys that they were, Frankie and Petey walked down to Saint Michael's RC Church in their neighborhood to confess their sins and receive penance. After waiting their turn in line, Frankie went into the confessional booth to speak with the parish priest, Father Santoro.

Frankie started with...."Bless me father for I have sinned. It has been several months since my last confession." Father Santoro then encouraged him on saying, "Go ahead young man and tell me your sins."

"Well, all in all father I've been pretty good except that I have been having sex almost daily with this local neighborhood girl that's so hot I just can't help myself. I know thats it's wrong of me to do this and act on my impulses but she's so beautiful I can't resist her."

Father Santoro then asks, "I'm glad that you understand the severity of your actions. Now tell me, who is this girl? Whats her name?

Being the stand up kid that he was, Frankie quickly responds, "I'm sorry Father but I can't tell you that." So Father Santoro presses on, "Is it Mary Romano?"

Frankie responds in kind, "Please Father don't ask me to reveal her name. I don't wanna ruin her reputation."

With his interest now piqued Father Santoro asks, "Is is Lucia Russo?"

Frankie says again, "Please Father I respect the church and I have great respect for you as well, but I will never tell you that!"

Father Santoro then asks, "Is it Anna Lombardi?"

Frankie then says, "Father please stop. I'm never gonna tell you her name no matter how many times you ask me to."

Father Santoro takes one more shot at it, "My son, is her name Camille Palazzolo?"

But Little Frankie holds fast and says to the priest, "Please Father, enough already. Please don't ask again."

So Father Santoro finally relents and tells the boy, "Well. I will say one thing for you. You're a real stand up kid and I admire that. But you need to pay for your sins. Now go and pray ten "Our Fathers" and ten "Hail Mary's." Furthermore you are prohibited from attending Catechism for the entire next week That is your penance!"
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Frankie opens the confessional door and walks back to his buddy Petey who's kneeling in the pews waiting for him. Petey slides over and asks him, "so what'd get?"

Little Frankie slyly responds, "One week's vacation and four good leads!"

The teacher asks Johnny how many days of the week start with the letter T.

Johnny quickly responds four: Tuesday, Thursday, Today and Tomorrow :-)

Polish guy wants nothing more in his life than to be Italian. One day he goes out and buys an Armani suit, a pinky ring, gold chain with a horn, puts on a fedora hat and walks into the store; in his best New York Italian accent he says 'Yo, gimme some prosciutto, half a pound of Mozzarella cheese, and some gabagool"

The guy behind the counter looks up at him and says "What are you a pollock?"

He says "How the hell did you know that??"

"This is a hardware store"

Thats another cute one ML. (see? and you thought you were out of ammo). lol

Johnny is correct of course! Lol

Hahaha great joke

Here's another little joke thats a bit different from my usual schtick that certain forum members may also enjoy. Its one of those old-styled rhymes...and it goes something like this;
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Roses are red
Your face is too.
Because you're a Baboons ass and surely belong in a zoo.
But don't you worry cause we'll be there too.
Not in a cage, but looking inside it while we all laugh at you!


PS: I know it was somewhat different from my usual style but I hope you guys enjoyed that one nonetheless.

Here's another little gem...
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A man was laying on a beach wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch, when a woman passing by snidely remarked to him, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady."

The man quickly replied, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."

Here's an ethnic joke for ya (but don't worry fellas, because we're equal opportunity jokesters who make fun everyone)
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"The Polish Fisherman"...
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One day an Italian guy and a Polish guy were fishing on opposite sides of the same river, but the Italian guy was catching all the fish.

Eventually the Polish guy asked the Italian, "How the heck can I get to the other side by you?"

So the Italian says to him with a slight smirk, "I'll just turn on my flashlight and you can walk across the beam."

The Polish guy says, "Nice try pal...But just because I'm Polish doesn't mean that I'll fall for that. I'll get halfway across and you'll turn it off."

Since your onto racial jokes(that don’t belong in the OC Forum) going back and forth with yourself..

Did you hear the one about 20 years ago when NYMAFIA was a priest and they had to perform a reverse exorcism on a 10 year old boy ???

You forgot the "Jeff" part

That’s true thanks Jeffrey

Two polish guys decide to rent a boat and go fishing. They pay the rental fee and drive off in one of the boats. They are boating around trying to catch fish but are having no luck. Finally, they find this little spot where the fish are biting. They catch alot of fish and decide they have to head back before it gets too dark. The one guy says to the other;

"We should come back here tomorrow and catch more fish", "sure" says the other "but how will we find the place again?"

"I know, we'll draw an x on the bottom of the boat to mark the spot!" he says. "Are you stupid?" says the other "How do you know we'll get the same boat next time?"

I feel like I'm in Groundhog Day, only it's in the Borscht Belt and Shecky Greene appears continuously everyday and keeps saying. "I'll be here all week.", "I'll be here all week.", "I'll be here all week."

Dice Clay is the ultimate Mob comedian.
"Jack and Jill went up the hill
Each with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two fifty, Ohhhh!!!

I'm loving these jokes. Helps keep the day lite and puts a smile on peoples faces (most people anyway). Lol. So keep em coming guys!

A blonde was asked if she knew the capital of Nevada. She replied "N"

How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
She opens the car door.

There was a power outage at the Mall.
Three blondes were stuck on the escalator for two hours.

A blonde bought an AM radio.
Two weeks later,she found out she could play it at night.

What's the definition of Artificial Intelligence?
A blonde that dyes her hair brown.

What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
Spot.

A blonde goes to her Doctor and tells him that everywhere she touches herself,it hurts.
The Doctor replies "Miss,you have a broken finger"

A blonde kept empty beer bottles in her fridge.
She said that they were for her friends that don't drink.

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These are cute LP. I especially liked the ones abut the car door after sex, the escalator, and the AM radio. Lol

Did you hear about the three blondes they found frozen at the drivethru theater? They went to see "Closed For the Winter".

I see we've morphed into Blond jokes. Lol. So be it.
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A businessman gets on an elevator and spots a big chested blond already inside. She smiles at him and says, "T G I F"

He smiled back and said, "S H I T"

She looked at him a bit puzzled and then repeated, T G I F

Acknowledging her remark, he then related, S H I T

The blond was only trying to be friendly so she flashed her biggest smile while propping out her ample chest and again sweetly saying, T G I F

The man smiled back, while stating once again with a quizzical expression while ogling her twin assets, S H I T

The blond finally decided to explain things this time around as she said, T G I F, means T-hank G-oodness I-t's F-riday. Get it? TGIF

The man answered her, explaining, "S-orry H-oney, I-t's T-hursday." SHIT

HEAVEN & HELL.....
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HEAVEN is where:

The police are British
The chefs are Italian
The mechanics are German
The lovers are French
...and its all organized by the Swiss

HELL is where:

The police are German
The chefs are British
The mechanics are French
The lovers are Swiss
...and its all organized by the Italian (unless its run by the Mafia of course, Lol)

A man walks into a sex shop and asks to buy a sex doll.
So the salesman asks him, "normal or Muslim?"
The man replies, "what's the difference?"
The salesman says, "the Muslim one blows itself up"