Some Saturday Shenanigans...
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THE WIDOW AND THE COWBOY!

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the local newspapers for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other was a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it and decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be much safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked together, and the ranch was now doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels a bit."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town that Saturday night. One o'clock in the morning came, however, and he hadn't yet returned. Two o'clock and still no hired hand.

Finally he returned around three-thirty in the morning, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the warm glow of the fireplace holding a glass of wine, waiting for him. She then quietly called him over to her.

Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. His hands trembling, he did as he was told. "Slide off my high heels and silk stockings too," she said.

He did as she asked, but ever so slow and tentative.

"Now take off my skirt," she whispered quietly.

So he slowly unbuttoned it, letting the skimpy garment drop to the floor.

"Now slide off my panties." His hands were shaking like leaves, but he proceeded to slowly slide them down, while gazing intently into her eyes by the fire light.

"Now unhook my bra." The widow told him. Once again, his hands trembled, but he did as she requested. The lacy brassiere dropped to the floor as she watched.

She then looked up at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!"
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ButtonGuys hopes everyone enjoyed this little joke, and we wish you all a good day!

A Sunday riddle to ponder...
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Question: What two letters of the alphabet are always jealous?

Answer: N V

A few Monday night gangster giggles...
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Q: Where do gambling gangsters go after they die?

A: Why, to Gangster's Pair-a-Dice, of course!
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Q: Why do fake gangsters always hold their guns sideways?

A: Because that's the way it came in the crackerjack box.

A Tuesday Tickle...
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Q: What do you call 100 perverts in trenchcoats?

A: A flash mob!

ATHLETES AND HOODLUMS...
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The results of a newly released government census shows that the average paid athlete, weighs more than the average felon. So, from the statistics, it would appear that the pros far outweigh the cons.

A Friday Night Chuckle!...
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THE HORNY HUBBY!

A woman went to a lawyer to discuss possibly divorcing her husband.

The lawyer asked her, "Why do you want a divorce? Don't you love him anymore?"

"Oh, I still love him," the woman replied, "But all he ever wants to do is make love, and I just can't take it anymore! I'm worn out."

"Well then," the lawyer suggested, "Instead of divorcing him, why don't you just start charging him every time he approaches you to make love? That should do the trick."

The exhausted woman thought about it for a few minutes, and then told the lawyer that she was willing to give his plan a try. She then left his office, got into her car and drove directly home to put her new plan into action.

But, no sooner had she walked in the door of her home that evening, that her horny husband immediately started in on her for sex.

"Hold on dear, not so fast," she insisted. The wife then proceeded to lay down the new rules to her husband, "From now on, it'll cost you $10 in the kitchen, $20 if you want it in the living room, and $50 for us to do it in the bedroom!"

The husband was startled for a minute or two until he thought about it, but then he quickly retorted, "Well then, ok, if that's the way you want it. Here, take this $50," as he placed the cash directly into the palm of her hand.

His wife smiled a bit, then tucked the money into her bra and began walking toward their bedroom. But her hubby grabbed her by the hand, stopping her dead in her tracks, and commented, "Hold on now, not so fast. That'll be five times in the kitchen!"
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ButtonGuys hopes everyone has a nice night gentlemen!

A man is on his deathbed in the hospital.

He tells his wife "Honey,before I die,I want to tell you something,
There's an envelope taped behind the bottom drawer in our bedroom dresser.
I want you to have it"

She finds the envelope and inside it is $47,000.dollars and 4 golf balls.
When she gets back to the hospital,the hubby tells her "I have to get this off my chest.I haven't been entirely faithful to you.
Every time I cheated on you,I put a ball in the envelope",

His wife says"we were married for 51 years,I can forgive 4 mistakes,but what about the money?"

Hubby replies "every time I got a dozen balls,I sold them"

A Sunday Shenanigan...
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"THERE'S ALWAYS ONE BALLBUSTER IN THE CROWD"

There were once a busload of ugly people driving to a weekend religious retreat when they got into a head-on collision with a tractor-trailer. It was a very tragic collision and they all died.

So, when they got to Heaven, knowing this, God decided to grant each of them one wish as consolation.

The first person God approached, a very homely, ugly woman asked, "I want to be gorgeous."

So God snapped his fingers and it happened.

Seeing this miracle, the second woman requested the exact same thing...and God accommodated her, turning her into an absolute beauty..

The third person, one of the ugliest men you'd ever wanna meet, then asked God to please do the same for him.

With one finger snap, God turned that ugly man into one of the most handsome men in existence.

Well, this went on and on throughout the group. Everyone had the same wish. But as he was granting their requests God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically.

By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing so hard he was now rolling on the ground.

Bemused by the man's actions, and with his interest now piqued, when this fellow's turn came God looked down at him crying with laughter on the floor and asked him the very same question,

In between laughs, the fellow looked up at God and said, "My wish is that they all become ugly again!"
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ButtonGuys of The New York Mafia "wishes" that everyone on the forum has a very nice Sunday!

The Monday Morning Blues...
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"DAILY FISTICUFFS"

Here's a quick riddle for ya to break up the Monday blues a bit.

Q: If Sunday and Monday ever got into a fist fight, you do you think would win that battle?

A: Why it would have to be Sunday, of course...because everybody knows that Monday is a weekday!
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Good mornin' folks! Hope everybody starts the week off right!

Whacky Wednesdays...Riddle of the day!
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Q: What happens when you piss off a blind mobster?

A: Your neighbor wakes up to find a horse's head in their bed.

A little Monday morning madness for the forum...
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So, a guy, Joe Ubatz, goes to the psychiatrist.

Joe says, "Doctor, I keep having these alternating, recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee. Then I'm a wigwam. Then I'm a teepee again. Then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me absolutely crazy. Please tell me, what the heck is wrong with me?"

The doctor rubbed his chin as he considered what his patient just informed him about, and then replied, "It's very simple Mr. Ubatz. You're just two tents."
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ButtonGuys hopes everybody has a good start to their week!

A blonde was on an airline flight to Miami. Even though she had an economy ticket, she sneaked into 1st Class.
When the flight attendant found out,she tried to get her to go back to her paid seat.
She began to start such a ruckus,that the Captain was called.
He leaned over, whispered in her ear,and immediately she apologized,and went back to economy.
When the attendant asked the Capt what he said,he replied "I told her that 1st Class doesn't go to Miami"

What do you get if you cross an owl and a rooster? A cock that stays up all night.

Cheers

You did not just say that. You're a good man and you never told that "joke"

What the fuck does that mean? Too tense? IT'S NOT EVEN REMOTELY FUNNY!!!!!!!!!! GOD

"WITH AGE COMES WISDOM"


A cute but elderly couple, both in their 80s, paid a visit to a sex therapist. The therapist warmly greeted them, saying, “You two make such a lovely couple. How can I assist you?”

The old man responded, “Do you mind watching us have intercourse?” After a brief moment of contemplation, the therapist agreed, seeing no harm in the matter.

Once the couple finished their intimate session, the therapist gave them her evaluation, saying, “Your lovemaking was perfectly normal. And I see no issues with either of your performances.” With a friendly smile, she then charged them her regular $70 consultation fee and wished them a pleasant day.

To her surprise, the elderly couple returned the very next week and repeated the same routine. In fact, this process continued every Wednesday for the next six weeks straight. Each time, they would arrive, engage in their intimate act in front of the therapist, pay the fee, and then leave.

After their sixth visit the therapist couldn’t contain her curiosity any longer, so she asked, “May I ask one question? Why do you guys keep making appointments to see me? Especially since I never find anything to help improve your lovemaking habits.”

Without missing a beat, the old man explained, “Well, you see doctor, we can’t do it at my place because my wife is always home, and we can’t do it at her place because her nosy husband is always there. And even the cheapest motels still charge at least $130 a night. So at only $70, coming here is a bargain!"
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ButtonGuys hopes everyone on the forum enjoys the day.

What’s the difference between a homeless clown and a scary clown?

One is penniless and the other is Pennywise.

Cheers

A late Thursday chuckle...
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NO SHIT SHERLOCK!

One afternoon the famous private detective Sherlock Holmes and his trusty sidekick Dr. Watson decided to go camping. So they drove out to the woods and set up camp, pitched their tent under the stars, and later went to sleep.

Some time during the middle of the night, Holmes woke Watson up and said, “Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see.”

So Watson looked up and replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”

Holmes then asked, “And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson thought for a moment and then explained, “Well, if there are millions of stars, if even a few of those stars are actually planets, then it’s quite likely there are some planets like the Earth out there. And if there are any planets like Earth out there, then it's also quite possible that there may also be life.”

Holmes gave a quick scowl and then retorted, “Watson, you imbecile, what it means is that somebody stole our tent!”

Guy comes running into the house yelling "Honey,I just hit the lottery for 100 million bucks.Pack your suitcase!"
The wife says"That's great,where are we going?"
Hubby replies,"I don't know where you're going,but I'm taking my Secretary to Paris"

Thats cute

Nothing but "Labor Day Weekend" Jokes for the next few days...
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A CREEPY BOSS!

Jimmy had a real creep for a boss who forced him to come into the office and work on Labor Day.

Halfway through the day, the boss came around to check up on Jimmy and see how much work he was doing.

But as he walked into the office he caught Jimmy with a six-pack of beer on his desk, while he was guzzling another brewsky at that very moment.

The boss yelled, “Hey, you can’t drink alcohol while you’re working!”

Jimmy casually gazed up at him and retorted, “Oh, don’t worry about that boss...cause I ain't working!”
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ButtonGuys wishes everybody a very healthy and happy Labor Day Weekend!

I already started laughing when I read the "Creepy Boss" title lol lol lol

FOOD FOR THOUGHT...

“If people don't go to work on that day, then shouldn’t it be called “No-Labor Day?”

A Tuesday Tickler...
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A ham sandwich strolls into a pub, walks up to the bar and orders a beer, the bartender says “I'm sorry, but we don’t serve food here.”

A chuckle for the day...
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Q: How do you stop a bull from charging?

A: Cancel its credit card.

Q). What do you do with an elephant with 3 balls?
A) Walk him and pitch to the giraffe.

Thats cute.

Whacky Wednesdays...
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Q: Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

A: In case he got a hole in one.

Some Sunday Shenanigans...
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SO, WHATS IN A STEREOTYPE?

A ventriloquist is performing with his little wooden dummy on his lap. He’s telling a "dumb-blonde joke" when a young platinum-haired beauty in the audience suddenly jumped to her feet.

“What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demanded to know. Then continued, “What does my hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?”

Clearly flustered, the ventriloquist began to weakly stammer out an apology to her, but she was having none of it.

The blonde quickly cut him off, pointed her finger and growled, “You keep out of this, you!” she yelled. “I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”
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ButtonGuys wishes everyone a nice Sunday!

Monday Madness...
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The natives of Africa are well known for their enjoyment in playing many different types of games. But, reportedly, their varied governments have all stopped allowing any of their tribal people from playing poker.

Apparently, government officials feel there are just way too many cheetahs out there!
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ButtonGuys wishes everyone a nice day.