What style of pasta is a mafioso's favorite macaroni?


...Pasta asciutta, of course!

Today's Food for Thought...

If Caitlyn Jenner ever joined the mafia, would she then be considered a made man, or a self-made woman?

MAKING DAD PROUD!

When young Vito got home from school that day, what did the mafioso's son tell his father about having failed all of his exams?

With a big grin on his face, Vito proudly remarked, "Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I didn't tell em one single thing!"

Today's health tip for the forum...

What’s the fastest way to burn up 1000 calories?


.....Just leave the pizza in the oven! LOL

Whats the biggest difference between the Mafia and an acting troupe?


....When the Mafia says break a leg, they mean someone else's.

What do you call gangsters who live deep in the woods?

….Cottage G’s

Have you heard about the hobo gangster?


...Word on the street is that he's absolutely roofless!

THE HITMEN...

A Mafia boss once decided to send two of his top soldiers out to kill a rival gangster. So the two hitmen drove to the rival’s home, about half an hour before their intended victim was expected to return. They parked outside, directly adjacent to his house, check their guns and ammo, and waited.

Half an hour goes by and the gangster hasn’t shown up yet. So they keep waiting in silence. Another full hour passes and he's not there. So they wait some more. Five hours later, they’re still sitting outside and the guy hasn’t shown up.

Finally, the first hitmen looks down at the watch and the says to the other: "We've been here for over five hours already, and this guy still ain't showed up."

…”Jeez," the other hitman says, "I sure hope nothings happened to him.”

You know, contrary to popular opinion, which is largely a myth, not all Italians are in the Mafia.


...Nowadays, some of them can also be found in the Federal Witness Protection Program.

What do you get when you cross the Italian Mafia and the Japanese Yakuza?


...Most likely murdered!

I confused Jacuzzi with Yakuza,and now I'm in hot water with the Japanese.

People who design fool-proof systems fail to take into account the ingenuity of fools.

I heard on TV this morning that some people wanna cancel their subscription to 2024!

Apparently, because they’ve experienced the free 7-day trial and decided they’re not interested.

What's the difference between an argument in kindergarten and the presidential debate?

.....About 70 or so years

He's beside himself once again…lol.

Talkin’ to himself again, because he gets the answers he “needs” to hear, that helps soothe his fragile, weak ego…and because nobody else around here really gives a fuck! Lol

And I quote, “Cant believe that some posters need to open three different threads so they can advertise their projects, and also talk to themselves with the help of different accounts. What is the world coming to?!”
-


....Says the poster with 93 different threads that he bumps 93 times per day! Lol

By now, you damn well KNOW that I gotta post up a little joke for the day, no? lol. So here goes nuttin' like they say...


If the Mafia took over the Paparazzi, would they then be known as "The Flash Mob" ?

Thoughts for a Wednesday morning....


Remember to never bother a mafioso the night before he goes on vacation because he's probably packing.

"Happy 4th of July" ...(and remember kids, DON'T play with fireworks)


Let the adults who have been drinking all day set them off.

A friend of mine hasn’t kept up his paid subscription to the Scrabble Club.

…Now I hear they're sending him threatening letters.

What follows is the psychological, medical and “clinical” definition and explanation of the word “obsession” as defined by the Dictionary Brittanica, Websters Dictionary, The American Medical Foundation, The Mayo Clinic, and the National Institute of Mental Health.

OBSESSION…

“A state in which a person thinks about someone or something constantly or frequently, especially in a way that is not normal.”

“The control of one’s thoughts by a continuous, powerful idea or feeling, or the idea or feeling itself.”

“Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD): Compulsions are repetitive behaviors a person feels the uncontrollable urge to do, often in response to an obsession.”

“Something or someone that you think about all the time.”

“Obsession is kind of like a passion for something, that crosses over the line into crazy territory.”

“An unhealthy preoccupation with an idea, person or thing.”

“The domination of one’s thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, impulse, etc.”

“An obsession is an unhealthy fascination, preoccupation, fixation, fetish, mania, enthusiasm or thirst, that often becomes a problem for the person experiencing these feelings.”
—

SCALING THE WALL...

My friend told me that a new porn site he found has a paywall that wanted him to sign up for a 12-month subscription.

He admitted that If he could deal with that kind of commitment, he wouldn't be watching porn in the first place.

Where do Italian mobsters and racketeers live?


...Why, in the spaghetto, of course.

Hapless Harry.....


I bumped into a guy from the neighborhood the other day and we started chatting.

He told me that he read some recent statistics that say there’s a 50% chance you live next door to a sex offender.

Then he wiped his brow and replied, “Thank goodness I live next to a sexy 12-year old.”

Some Saturday Shenanigans...


Italian youngster: "Hey, Ma, today, some kids called me gangster while I was at school."

Mother: "Dont worry figlio mio. Tomorrow I'll go over there and straighten this out one, two, three."

Son: "Ok, Ma, but please make sure it looks like an accident."

A friend of mine told me his wife just found out that he replaced their bed with a trampoline....she hit the roof.

on that note....

BREAD IS LIKE THE SUN, IT RISES IN THE YEAST AND SETS IN THE WAIST!

She was only a Baker's daughter,but she married a crumb for his dough.

Why did the mafioso cross the road?


...Hey, fuggitaboutit !!!

Why didn’t the sesame seed wanna get off the crap table at the gambling casino?


…Because he was on a roll.

I quit smoking cold turkey.
It was too hard to keep it lit.