A recently widowed woman went on trial for beating her guitar-playing husband to death.

While reviewing a folder containing her background history from the bench, the trial judge took notice the defendant had no known previous criminal record, so he asked her, "First offender?"

The woman replied back, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."
-


.....Hope everyone has a good day, folks.

Good one NYM !

Molto grazie, Luigi!

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.

.....I gave him a glass of water.

A Sunday Chuckle...
--

The other day, my friend Steve and I were having a chat.

Steve commented, "My wife bought me two online subscriptions, to National Geographic and Playboy, for the same reason."

I was a bit puzzled, so I asked, "Why?"

Steve replied, "Because with these magazines I get to see places that I'll never actually get to visit."
---



Happy Sunday, folks!...Make it a good one.

What did the skeleton Mafia boss and his men say to the stool pigeon?


...Get over here. We got a bone to pick with you!

Whats one of the biggest differences between the Mafia and an acting troupe?

.....When the Mafia says break a leg, they mean someone else's.

My friend told me that Netflix’s new paid-subscription fees are so high that he had to stop paying his heating bill.


…It brings a whole new meaning to Netflix and chill…

What do you call pigs that have studied karate?


…..pork chops.

Two from the legendary Rodney Dangerfield:

My Mother never breast fed me,she said she only wanted to be friends.

My Doctor said I should donate my body to Science Fiction.

A woman was arrested for throwing her 93 year old husband from a 2nd story window.
She told the judge that she came home unexpectedly and caught him in their bedroom with the woman next door.
The judge asked why she threw him out the window and she replied "Your Honor,I figured that at his age,if he could f**k,he could fly".

I wanted to get an Ancestry DNA search,but didn't want to pay the high price that they charge,so I announced that I had won the lottery and found a bunch of relatives I never knew I had.

LOL. No doubt you did!

I can’t believe that my boss got so angry at me, that he fired me from my job at the calendar factory.

...All I did was take a day off.

Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? No? Really?


...I heard It’s making headlines! lol

A friend of mine fell into an upholstery machine during a tour of a furniture factory.
Thank goodness,he's all recovered now.

Lol

I have a friend who is so cheap,he wears pants with rubber pockets so he can steal soup.

I’ve noticed that my wife has gotten so completely addicted to Netflix lately that she’s now started ignoring me...

...So I went ahead and paid to renew her subscription for another 10 years.

What do you call a gangbanger who believes in double standards?


...a hypocrip!

It seems there’s a new grassroots movement afoot to combat all those dastardly subscription paywalls around the world….You know them, don’t you? The enemies of all the little people. Lol.

Now don’t get me wrong, this laughable “grassroots” movement only has one single “blade of grass” in this movement. Thats right folks…one! As in one lonely little solo...(1) lol. Nonetheless, it mindlessly attempts to persevere forward. So this "movement" is really not moving anywhere.

Never mind the cold hard facts and statistical odds that are somewhere in the neighborhood of five zillion to one against him….he still blindly stumbles forward, making a fool of himself, tripping over his own feet, every single day, like a blind man.

But hey, but what the heck, right? 5-Zillion-to-1? That ain't so bad, is it?

Those odds are not so insurmountable…..are they?

Let’s take a quick look, shall we?….

TheChicagoTribune, TheNewYorkTimes, NYDailyNews, LINewsday, NJStarLedger, TheWashingtonPost, LosAngelesTimes, USAToday, TheGuardian, TheWallStreetJournal, SanFranciscoChronicle, LosAngelesTimes, TheTimesandSundayTimes, LeMonde, TheFinancialTimes, CorriereDellaSera, TheEconomist, Nikkei, TheTelegraph, TheAtlantic, AlbanyTimesUnion, TheMiamiHerald, TheChicagoReader, TheNewsGazette, TheSouthernIllinoisan, SpringfieldNews, TheStateJournal-Register, RockfordRegisterStar, TheSunSentinel, FloridaToday, NaplesDailyNews, TheDetroitNews, Netflix, MaryFarrellArchives, HBO, Cinemax, Showtime, Optimum, DisneyChannel, Ancestrycom, UKFinancialTimes, TimesofLondon, TampaTribune, TampaBayTimes, XfinityChoiceTV, COX, SlingTV, Paramount, Sparklight, DishLatino, VerizonFios, ESPN, MTV, FoxNewsChannel, ChicagoSunTimes, Newspaperscom, DenverPost, USAToday, Peacock, CableVision, AmazonPrime, Starz, TMC, TheAthletic, Hulu, AppleTV, Max, Bild, TheGangsterReport, Clarin, Aftonbladet, Caixin, DagensNyheter, LaNacion, SacramentoBee, GazetaWyborcza, DailyHerald, BuffaloNews, SouthernLakesNewspapers, TheFlorentine, LaRepubblica, LaStampa, IISole24Ore, IIMessaggero, LaSicilia, ButtonGuys, GanglandNews, GiornalediSicilia, Avanti, LaGazzettaDelloSport, IlFattoQuotidiano, IlGiornale, IlRestoDelCarlino, IlMattino, ANSA, IlGazzettino, Avvenire, LaNazione, AltoAdige, IlManifesto, Panorama, ilCentro, IlFoglio, ElPais, ElMundo, RtnNewspaper, ABC, DeTelegraaf, LeFigaro, TheFoodNetwork, PhiloTV, PBS, SpectrumTV, DirecTV, Comcast, CharterCommunications, MagazinesDirect, Rock, ComputerMusic, Edge, Golf, War&History, Barnes&Noble, NationalGeographic, etc., etc., etc., etc.…..(and literally, untold millions of more subscription paywall sites out there.)

Maybe that single blade of grass should rethink this, no? Maybe it should take up ping-pong or Tiddlywinks as a hobby instead. LOL

Nonetheless, admittedly, it will be a daunting and insurmountable task for our little “would-be” super hero, don’t ya think?

Yet, completely undeterred by these undeniable facts, the "disappointed" little blade of grass bravely marches on — “fighting the good fight” — as they say! LOL

My oh my! …What else can we say? Except, we wish it good luck. Because, clearly, this little blade of grass needs all the luck it can get. LOL

……Boycott them all, brave one!…..Yeah, thats it!.....Thats the ticket!!!!

Don’t spell part backwards....I heard it’s a trap.

An Italian Mafia boss decided to break with tradition and hire a Spanish hitman.

And he soon gave his new hitman his first murder contract.

But the mafioso was very disappointed by the Spaniard’s lack of marksmanship after he completely missed the intended target, admitting he never expected to see The Spanish Imprecision!

For all you old school comic fans:
I accidentally spelled my name backwards and got stuck for 90 days at a Fifth Dimension concert.

My wife just left me. She complained that life with me only revolved around football and she got sick of it.

...Understandably, I'm quite upset. After all, we were together for 7 seasons.

Q) What do Blondes and dogsh#t have in common ?
A) The older they get,the easier it is to pick them up.

lol. good one, Lou.

My friend, who happens to be single, mentioned to me that he just read it's estimated by next Valentine's Day, one in three people will be crying into their bag of popcorn while they watch Netflix alone.

Then he happily stated that he won't be one of them. He's so broke he can't afford the subscription fee.

I’m currently reading a book about anti-gravity.


…and I gotta tell ya, It’s really impossible to put down!

THE 'WOULD-BE" SUPERHERO!

I hear there’s a new grassroots movement that combats subscription paywalls. Its leader, Dopey Dan, now claims he leads a fight against ALL forms of paywalls.

Unfortunately, no sooner did Dopey start this — obviously — very worthwhile campaign (lol), he got arrested twice by the NYC Transit Police. Once for jumping a subway turnstile. And a second time, for blowing through a toll booth with his car, instead of paying the fee.

When Dopey Dan stood before the judge for arraignment, he explained he was a champion of the little people, and demanded he be viewed as the hero he was….just “fighting the good fight!”

…The Judge decided to give him 30-days in the clink, instead!