I told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

…She looked surprised.

Riddle of the day...


Q: What’s brown and very sticky?

A: ...a stick!

What does Superman have in common with a member of the Bloods Gang without his gun?

…Neither one of them wants to see a Kryptonite.

What's a German gangster's least favorite food?


…..Snitchel

A Sunday chuckle...

Wife: 'I can't believe you went to a prostitute to have sex!'

Husband: 'What did you expect me to do? We haven't done anything for months'

Wife: 'Well, you could have told me you were willing to pay!'

An upper class couple are arguing about cutting back on expenses.
The husband says "if you knew how to cook and clean,we wouldn't need the maid".
The wife replies "if you knew how to screw,we wouldn't need the landscaper".

Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?

....Because then it would be a foot!

THREE BROTHERS, AGES 92, 94 AND 96 LIVE IN A HOUSE TOGETHER...

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, put his foot into the water, but then pauses. He yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the tub?"

His 94 year old brother hears him and yells back, "I don't know. But I'll come up and see." So he starts up the stairs, but then pauses and yells, "Was I going up the stairs or coming down?"

Their 92 year old brother was sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and listening to his two siblings. He shakes his head and says, "Boy, I sure hope I never get that forgetful." He knocks on the wooden table for good luck and then yells to them, "Don't worry, I'll come up and help the both of you just as soon as I see who's at the front door."

Did you hear about the guy who was half Black and half Japanese?

Every December 7th,he attacked Pearl Bailey.

What do you get when you cross a gorilla with a parrot?

I don't know,but if he wants a cracker,you damn well better give him one.

Why are Zombies more than happy to provide free labor?

...Because they don't require a living wage.

Why did the ancient Egyptians have such a hard time recruiting laborers?

...Because everybody knew damn well they were operating a pyramid scheme!!