Just to let the folks here know this was e-mailed to me by a cousin of mine. These are so true.

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

I read those a while back, but they're hilarious, because they're so true!

The time/crotch one cracks me up!

Thanks for posting those.

Very funny....
everything you said its true....



Don Zadjali

They are very true

I already loved this thread from the moment I saw the title on the list... it's such a promising title, like you know it's gonna be good. And it was, they were hilarious!! My favorite was the one that life is the longest damn thing you ever do...

It reminds me of George Carlin's "Free Floating Hostility" bit.

Haha, these are soo true. #1,#5,#8 are the best

Thanks for sharing Iceman. I had to pass those on.

Good ones Iceman, and I know we can all relate to all of them. I like "you always find something in the last place you look." Ha ha..obviously.

Very funny

TIS

yea those are funny...can anyone say george carlin? am i right on that? i do believe it was him if im not mistaken

Yeah, I love those, they're very funny.

They were originally written by Billy Connolly, the Scottish comedian.

Oh, they are all so true. I've actually had to respond to someone asking me #9 on numerous occassions. :rolleyes:

Here's one I hear all the time at work:

"Excuse me sir, you work here right?" LIKE THE BLUE FREAKIN' VEST DOESN'T GIVE IT AWAY?!?! :rolleyes:

usually when people ask me "can I ask you a question?", I say you only get one and you just asked it.

Like when your hair is 5 inches shorter- Did you get a haircut? (no, I got all of them cut)
Or-"What are you doing?" when you care clearly not doing anything which warrents asking that question