John Waters
Your film will be 54% romantic, 54% comedy, 27% complex plot, and a $ 26 million budget.
Filmography: Hairspray, Cry Baby, Pecker, A Dirty Shame, Serial Mom, Polyester, Pink Flamingos, Female Trouble, Mondo Trasho, and more. Hopefully your entire life happened in Baltimore, Maryland, because that is where your life story will take place with John Waters at the helm. Your mother will be played either by a large transvestite or Kathleen Turner ... oh, the levels of irony! Anyway, we hope your life was full of pleasant scents because your movie will be released in Smell-O-Vision like his movie Polyester (1981), but will likely not have any dog-poop-eating such as in Pink Flamingos (1972). Johnny Depp will play your uncle. ( <--- If only he wasn't related to me... )

Smelly movie? Could you give us some heads up what we should prepare for?

Johnny Depp as your uncle? That's so lucky. You are one of a kind.

Afs, I don't know what Smell-o-Vision would mean, but I'm a little worried.

Are you kidding me? I guess it means your movie will also have scent to accompany vision and sound.