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Mar 13th, 2025
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Why? #130462
09/25/05 07:26 PM
09/25/05 07:26 PM
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 19,066
OH, VA, KY
Mignon Offline OP
Mama Mig
Mignon  Offline OP
Mama Mig

Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 19,066
OH, VA, KY
1...Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
#2...Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is no money in the account?
#3...Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet!
#4...Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
#5...Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
#6...Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
#7...Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
#8...Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
#9...Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
#10..If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
#11..Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
#12..Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
#13..Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
#14..Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
#15..Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?
#16..How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
#17..When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
#18..Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
#19..In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
#20..How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
#21..If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try it like your wife told you to do it?
#23...The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons...is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.


Dylan Matthew Moran born 10/30/12


Re: Why? #130463
09/25/05 07:32 PM
09/25/05 07:32 PM
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 4,046
Miami, FL
Don Andrew Offline
Underboss
Don Andrew  Offline
Underboss
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 4,046
Miami, FL
Quote:
Originally posted by Mignon:
#13..Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Guilty.


Hey, how's it going?
Re: Why? #130464
09/25/05 08:05 PM
09/25/05 08:05 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 4,206
Los Angeles
Letizia B. Offline
Underboss
Letizia B.  Offline
Underboss
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 4,206
Los Angeles
Nice one Mig! These are all so true and funny!! #14 cracked me up... I do that all the time.

Re: Why? #130465
09/25/05 08:07 PM
09/25/05 08:07 PM
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 6
G
goebbels Offline
Associate
goebbels  Offline
G
Associate
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 6
"#10..If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?"

Sorry, but that's a dumb question.

Behold.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolution

Re: Why? #130466
09/25/05 08:48 PM
09/25/05 08:48 PM
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 19,066
OH, VA, KY
Mignon Offline OP
Mama Mig
Mignon  Offline OP
Mama Mig

Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 19,066
OH, VA, KY
Quote:
Originally posted by Letizia B.:
Nice one Mig! These are all so true and funny!! #14 cracked me up... I do that all the time.
I do that to the other day matter of fact.


Dylan Matthew Moran born 10/30/12


Re: Why? #130467
09/25/05 09:00 PM
09/25/05 09:00 PM
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 560
New York
M
Mr. Baggins Offline
Underboss
Mr. Baggins  Offline
M
Underboss
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 560
New York
Quote:
Originally posted by goebbels:
"#10..If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?"

Sorry, but that's a dumb question.

Behold.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolution
These aren't serious questions, they're just for fun.

Re: Why? #130468
09/26/05 06:01 AM
09/26/05 06:01 AM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 7,952
It's fun to stay in the YMCA
Turi Giuliano Offline
Turi Giuliano  Offline

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 7,952
It's fun to stay in the YMCA
I love these types of questions. All of you do what I do. When you're at work and you've just had an important meeting when asked: "Any further questions?" Reply with "Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?"


So die all who betray Giuliano
Re: Why? #130469
09/26/05 06:18 AM
09/26/05 06:18 AM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,602
Yunkai
afsaneh77 Offline
Mother of Dragons
afsaneh77  Offline
Mother of Dragons

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,602
Yunkai
Quote:
Originally posted by Mignon:
#23...The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons...is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
JustMe, Lavinia, Zia hmmm... I guess I'm all right then. :p


"Fire cannot kill a dragon." -Daenerys Targaryen, Game of Thrones
Re: Why? #130470
09/26/05 06:35 AM
09/26/05 06:35 AM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 22,902
New York
SC Offline
Consigliere
SC  Offline
Consigliere

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 22,902
New York
Quote:
Originally posted by Mignon:
#6...Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Because he had a close shave with a lion.

Great list, Miggie!


.
Re: Why? #130471
09/26/05 06:45 AM
09/26/05 06:45 AM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 7,952
It's fun to stay in the YMCA
Turi Giuliano Offline
Turi Giuliano  Offline

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 7,952
It's fun to stay in the YMCA
Quote:
Originally posted by SC:
[quote]Originally posted by Mignon:
[b] #6...Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Because he had a close shave with a lion.

[/b][/quote] I didn't know whether to groan or laugh at first.


So die all who betray Giuliano
Re: Why? #130472
09/26/05 08:22 AM
09/26/05 08:22 AM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 3,733
JustMe Offline
Underboss
JustMe  Offline
Underboss
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 3,733
Quote:
Originally posted by Mignon:
#20..How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
They say, Carlo Rizzi tried once....

Good ones Mig!


keep your mouth shut, and your eyes open.
Re: Why? #130473
09/26/05 08:59 AM
09/26/05 08:59 AM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 3,733
JustMe Offline
Underboss
JustMe  Offline
Underboss
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 3,733
Quote:
Originally posted by afsaneh77:
[quote]Originally posted by Mignon:
[b] #23...The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons...is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
JustMe, Lavinia, Zia hmmm... I guess I'm all right then. :p [/b][/quote]Your choice of friends is very suspicious, young lady! :p
Anyway, I'd look pretty normal too in company with Mozart, Chopin and Schumann!


keep your mouth shut, and your eyes open.
Re: Why? #130474
09/26/05 10:02 AM
09/26/05 10:02 AM
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 11,468
With Geary in Fredo's Brothel
dontomasso Offline
Consigliere to the Stars
dontomasso  Offline
Consigliere to the Stars

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 11,468
With Geary in Fredo's Brothel
These are classics.

Here is another one...When we drive we wear out our tires...but where does all that rubber go?


"Io sono stanco, sono imbigliato, and I wan't everyone here to know, there ain't gonna be no trouble from me..Don Corleone..Cicc' a port!"

"I stood in the courtroom like a fool."

"I am Constanza: Lord of the idiots."

Re: Why? #130475
09/26/05 10:17 AM
09/26/05 10:17 AM
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 11,468
With Geary in Fredo's Brothel
dontomasso Offline
Consigliere to the Stars
dontomasso  Offline
Consigliere to the Stars

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 11,468
With Geary in Fredo's Brothel
MORE:

Why do you wald "down the road" even if it is uphill?

How do you draw a blank?

Why do you never see baby pigeons?

How can something be "New and Improved?" If it is new, then it neve existed before, but if it is improved it had to exist before.

Why do people search the whole house for a missing remote control rather than just change the channel?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Why do we drive on a parkway but park in a driveway?

What color hair do bald people say they have on their drivers license.

What was Captain Hook's name before he lost his hand?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is it a hostage situation?

Why do noses run and feet smell?


"Io sono stanco, sono imbigliato, and I wan't everyone here to know, there ain't gonna be no trouble from me..Don Corleone..Cicc' a port!"

"I stood in the courtroom like a fool."

"I am Constanza: Lord of the idiots."

Re: Why? #130476
09/26/05 10:25 AM
09/26/05 10:25 AM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 8,766
South of the Pinelands
MaryCas Offline
MaryCas  Offline

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 8,766
South of the Pinelands
Yeow, my brain hurts trying to figure these out.

Correction dt: I smell, but your feet stink.

Nevermind Tarzan's beard, how about some hair on his chest! :rolleyes:


Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, whoever humbles himself will be exalted - Matthew 23:12
Re: Why? #130477
09/26/05 10:57 AM
09/26/05 10:57 AM
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 11,468
With Geary in Fredo's Brothel
dontomasso Offline
Consigliere to the Stars
dontomasso  Offline
Consigliere to the Stars

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 11,468
With Geary in Fredo's Brothel
Quote:
Originally posted by MaryCas:
Nevermind Tarzan's beard, how about some hair on his chest! :rolleyes:
The original Tarzan had man boobs


"Io sono stanco, sono imbigliato, and I wan't everyone here to know, there ain't gonna be no trouble from me..Don Corleone..Cicc' a port!"

"I stood in the courtroom like a fool."

"I am Constanza: Lord of the idiots."

Re: Why? #130478
09/26/05 11:58 AM
09/26/05 11:58 AM
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 19,066
OH, VA, KY
Mignon Offline OP
Mama Mig
Mignon  Offline OP
Mama Mig

Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 19,066
OH, VA, KY
Don Tom.

Those are great

SC,

You didn't let me down with those one liners. You're the best.


Dylan Matthew Moran born 10/30/12


Re: Why? #130479
09/26/05 12:08 PM
09/26/05 12:08 PM
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 11,468
With Geary in Fredo's Brothel
dontomasso Offline
Consigliere to the Stars
dontomasso  Offline
Consigliere to the Stars

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 11,468
With Geary in Fredo's Brothel
Awwww shucks Mignon! I must confess I lifted them. Google the term "imponderables" there is a uk site with thousands of these


"Io sono stanco, sono imbigliato, and I wan't everyone here to know, there ain't gonna be no trouble from me..Don Corleone..Cicc' a port!"

"I stood in the courtroom like a fool."

"I am Constanza: Lord of the idiots."

Re: Why? #130480
09/26/05 03:08 PM
09/26/05 03:08 PM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,602
Yunkai
afsaneh77 Offline
Mother of Dragons
afsaneh77  Offline
Mother of Dragons

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,602
Yunkai
Quote:
Originally posted by JustMe:
Your choice of friends is very suspicious, young lady! :p
Which choices do you specifically mean? :p


"Fire cannot kill a dragon." -Daenerys Targaryen, Game of Thrones
Re: Why? #130481
09/26/05 05:54 PM
09/26/05 05:54 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 4,206
Los Angeles
Letizia B. Offline
Underboss
Letizia B.  Offline
Underboss
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 4,206
Los Angeles
Quote:
Originally posted by afsaneh77:
JustMe, Lavinia, Zia hmmm... I guess I'm all right then.
What are you talking about?

Speaking of which: "If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is it a hostage situation?" This one is great!!

Re: Why? #130482
09/26/05 06:08 PM
09/26/05 06:08 PM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,602
Yunkai
afsaneh77 Offline
Mother of Dragons
afsaneh77  Offline
Mother of Dragons

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,602
Yunkai
Quote:
Originally posted by Letizia B.:
What are you talking about?
I didn't say anything. That must have been Afs. She thinks she is funny. :p


"Fire cannot kill a dragon." -Daenerys Targaryen, Game of Thrones
Re: Why? #130483
09/26/05 06:33 PM
09/26/05 06:33 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 4,206
Los Angeles
Letizia B. Offline
Underboss
Letizia B.  Offline
Underboss
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 4,206
Los Angeles
Quote:
Originally posted by afsaneh77:
She thinks she is funny.
I think so too.

Re: Why? #130484
09/28/05 01:20 AM
09/28/05 01:20 AM
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 45,114
DE NIRO Offline
DE NIRO  Offline

Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 45,114
I think no 1 is the best and its true


The Mafia Is Not Primarily An Organisation Of Murderers.
First And Foremost,The Mafia Is Made Up Of Thieves.
It Is Driven By Greed And Controlled By Fear.

Between The Law And The Mafia, The Law Is Not The Most To Be Feared

"What if the Mafia were not an organization but a widespread Sicilian attitude of hostility towards the law?"

"Make Love Not War" John Lennon

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