After Steve "Crocodile Hunter" Irwin's surprise death earlier this months from that stingray, there has been this subconcious idea floated out in the junket interviews and talk appearances of the JACKASS stunt/prank troupe for this weekend's #1 movie, JACKASS: NUMBER TWO, that eventually, one of them will fucking die from their dumbass antics for the camera.
Mind you I don't want any of these numbskulls going to an early grave, but this is simply a humorous attempt at this solemn possibility. So let's decide by majority vote, WHO is more likely to sail off to the big farm, to kick the bucket, to buy a ticket for the Titanic, to drop the ball, you name it.
Needing help, I gathered some of my buddies at the local bar joint....
BUTTERFLY - You all will groan, but I think the obvious person that will die first will be Steve-O. Yes, its cliche and expected, but he's asking to die. Swimming freely in a sea full of sharks with hook in mouth, stapling his scrotum to his thighs, tight-roping over an alligator pit, a leech to the eyeball. I mean, this fucker can't be lucky forever. God will eventually get tired laughing at his antics, and will have no more use for him.
Besides, you all know how death loves irony. Imagine Steve-O surviving all that, but then dying of an unspectacular and average method. It fits him just fine!
MR. SMASH - No, "Danger" Ehren McGhehey will be the first to go. He collides and collides into stuff, regardless of the situation. Supermarkets, skate parks, no matter. Hell, without his helmet and safety gear, he would be six feet under by now. As we learned on 9/11, insane people crashing into larger solidified buildings do not bode well for those people. Hell, this crazy fuck was sent to the hospital after he wouldn't swallow a mouthful of flour for an unreleased skit, almost dying after his throat seriously dried out.
Worse yet, Dave England as his sidekick is never a promising sign for one's health. Besides, Johnny Knoxville himself predicted "Danger" Ehren would be the first to leave our mortal plains. Though the "Terrorist" skit was hilarious stuff.
VOLUNTEER - You guys are mistaken. Johnny Knoxville will be the first. As the MC of JACKASS, he is willing to perform stunts that even Steve-O and Bam Margera are unwilling to do. His body tests anti-riot land mines, self-defense gear, rubber bullets, etc. He was on rocket that misfired, and missed a bolt going right through his guts by a few inches. What does he do? He laughs and tries the stunt again. He blindfolds and glees just before a bull launches him into the air. A python snake bites him over and over.
He's the unifying soul and face of JACKASS, and really, notice that its HIM that's floating the idea in the press that someone from the troupe will horribly die. Death wish anyone? Besides, as producer of that label, he'll do any stunt in order to get the ratings and box-office receipts so to pad out his back-end financial points.
POTPOURI - I'll bet my money on the rest of the gang. Dave England, "Wee Man"(who probably would get squashed when Preston Lacy has a heart attack from his obesity and falls on him), Ryan Dunn, Chris Pontius, Bam Margera(hell, he quite panicked when placed in a pit with a Cobra snake), and maybe Raab Himself as well.
So, which Jackass will get his ass shot off?
Steve-O
"Danger Ehren" McGhehey
Johnny Knoxville
Or Someone Else
To quote P. Diddy, "Vote or Die!"...or should it be Vote to Die or Die?
