THIS TOPIC WILL NEVER DIE!!!

*Day 66*
(The doorbell rings. Mama Corleone answers the door, outside are three VERY ugly women.)

MAMA CORLEONE. Are you more gypsies?

WOMEN. (They all the speak at the same time) We are Isabella, Octavia, and Maria Abbandando.

MAMA CORLEONE. Abbandando... now where have I heard that name before?

WOMEN. Our father used to work with your husband.

MAMA CORLEONE. Oh, yes, of course. Come in.

APOLLONIA. Bella bella bella bella? (Who are they?)

MAMA CORLEONE. These are the three Abbandando sisters.

VINCENT. Wow! Those are some ugly women! Hey Mama, how you doin'?

MAMA CORLEONE. (Hits Vincent in the head with a frying pan) There will be no more of that in this house!

(The Abbandando sisters come in and sit down on the couch.)

TATTAGLIA. Woah, Mama!

MAMA CORLEONE. What?

TATTAGLIA. I mean them. Those are some foxy ladies.

FREDO. Threesome!

FFC. I don't think I can work those three in. Let's go over scene five again, Mr. Roth.

ROTH. Sure thing.

(Michael walks into the room. Roth trips him.)

ROTH. (Pointing to a spot in the script) Then he should fall down, just like that.

MICHAEL. (Stands up and pulls out one of those swords that you see in Marines commercials) How dare you! I am the most powerful man in the country!

FFC. Don't interupt, Mr. C., we're right in the middle of a scene.

MICHAEL. If you don't get out of this house there is gonna be a repeat of the Woltz incident, only this time I'll cut YOUR head off!

FFC. What's your middle name?

MICHAEL. Huh?

FFC. We need it for the script.

MICHAEL. It's Adrian.

FFC. I'm gonna change it to Francis. I gotta work my name into this somehow. My name... and my daughter... and maybe a bit of my tuba playing if you're lucky.

MICHAEL. Francis? What kind of middle name is that for a Don?!

ROTH. What's with the sword? Did Big Brother finally take your gun away.

MICHAEL. Yes.

ROTH. You look ridiculous.

MICHAEL. But I feel naked without a weapon.

DEANNA. Mmmm... naked.

MICHAEL. I'm among the few and the proud. You're just an old guy who won't die.

MAMA CORLEONE. Michael, get over here and introduce yourself to the Abbandando sisters!

MICHAEL. Yes, ma'am.

MAMA CORLEONE. This is my youngest son, Michael. He's the only one who's technically alive... I think it's because he's evil.

WOMEN. I'll take him! (The start fighting amongst themselves.)

MICHAEL. What's all this about?

MAMA CORLEONE. Didn't your father tell you? Genco had three daughters, one for each of you.

MICHAEL. You mean you arranged my marriage to one of... THOSE?

MAMA CORLEONE. You could say that.

MICHAEL. But why didn't you tell me?

MAMA CORLEONE. Eh... must have slipped my mind.

MAMA ANDOLINI. Don't blame Mama Corleone, she's young and stupid.

MICHAEL. Too... much... stress... Must... have... pills... (He faints.)

TATTAGLIA. If he doesn't want 'em, I'll take 'em.

LUCY. Quiet, you old pimp!

TATTAGLIA. You would know.

LUCY. True.

MICHAEL. (Coming to, he grabs an orange.) This is it! I'm going to end it all! (He rips the peel off the orange and takes a bit.) Take me now, oh powerful orange!

ROTH. Yeah!

MAMA CORLEONE. Michael, spit that out! You can't die until you've married one of Genco's daughters.

MICHAEL. What if I refuse?

MAMA CORLEONE. Then a curse will descend upon our house!

CONNIE. A curse? You mean things could get worse?

MICHAEL. I don't believe in curses! And I refuse to marry one of them!

(There is a flash of lightening. Everyone is now the opposite gender. )

VIVIAN (Vincent). (To CARL (Connie)) Hey, honey, how ya doin'?

MINDY (Michael). Well, this sucks.