I had Rich Sexson on April 25.

4-5, 3 homers and a double, 4 runs, 5 RBIs, 23 points. :p

Playing this game too long? Oh, yeah. That's me.

*cough* SUCK UP *cough*

Mr. Plawrence
General Delivery
New Jersey, USA

September 17, 2003

Dear Mr. Plawrence:

I remember you. You were the one who sent me a box of chocolates and 3 dozen long-stem roses. I would love to help you out (I like chocolate).

I was going to fly out to Detroit and smack Roy in the kneecaps while he slept, but then I realized that someone named Pork picked him for today. Since the Curse of Pork is so strong, I don't have to bother.

Besides, I am awesome. The Padres suck. There is NO way I can pitch poorly versus Bynum. My team owns him. My only suprise is that no one chose to go with Wood today. Well, he sucks, too. I am the best. You will NOT be disappointed in my performance this evening, and your money has been well-spent!

Yours truly,

Jason

xoxoxo

Trying the old "Curse Of The Pork", huh?

Well, it won't work. I am Hot. Scalding. Burning. Scorching. On Fire.


To wit:

Standings on the morning of Friday, 9/12

DB 2826
JG 2801
PL 2684

Last 5 days:

DB 47-57-51-60-52 Total 267
JG 24-54-43-33-63 Total 217
PL 47-76-68-67-70 Total 328

11 days to go. A long time.

:p

I believe you can now buy something over the counter to remedy that.

Sounds like PEE-Lawrence has the clap. I bet you pick the wrong street walker on you big meeting last Thurday.You should have paid more and stop trying to say money for your offense! After all everything in life isn't like Fantasy Baseball and no you don't catch that from eating under cooked veal.

Seems like there was another message that was recently sent.

Mr. Jason Schmidt
San Francisco Giants
Pacific Bell Park
24 Willie Mays Plaza
San Francisco CA 94107

September 17, 2003

Dear Mr. Schmidt:

It’s me again!

I know I just wrote you but I didn’t want to take the chance that you did not receive my original message.

I just wanted to ensure that you know how important it is that I have you pitch a good game for me today.

There is not a lot of time left and I have some serious ground to make up and I am at a loss as to what is going on. In case you have not heard, I usually do quite well in these games. I am assuming you have heard of some of my many accomplishments - I am so quick to tell anyone and everyone of that. But in case you haven’t I was the 1st half champion and that is something nobody can take away from me and also in case you haven’t heard I do very well in office football Pick’em pool. Matter of fact I almost always win.

However, I seem to be in a rut and thus the reason I need your help. I am pretty much in dead last in the Pickem pool I am in. I lost in the very first week in a Survivor Pool, I am in third place in baseball in the second half, losing to a guy named Douche and another one that calls himself ‘Pork’ – what is up with those guys? In fantasy football, I am 0-2 and even lost to a ‘chick’.

As I mentioned I just don’t understand what has been happening lately and that is why, once again I come to you looking for assistance. Hell, I even grew my mustache back thinking it would bring me luck, but to no avail. The ladies do 'dig' it though.

Anyway don’t want to be a nag but I really really really really really really really really need you to do well tonight. If so I will buy a wear a Giants hat all weekend – deal ?

Your ever faithful desperate, grasping at straws fan

plawrence

Mr. Jason Schmidt
San Francisco Giants
Pacific Bell Park
24 Willie Mays Plaza
San Francisco CA 94107

Dear so called Fans:

F@CK -YOU- I am only going to work as hard as I have to to get a win for my team. No, I am not going to pitch a 12 strikeout shutout or kill my self for some Fantasy Internet game!

Do you know what they pay me! I'm going to take it easy on my arm and hope to get a few extra seasons out of it otherwise I have to sell cars in New Jersey or something. So suck it up and write to someone that cares! Try Roger Clemens, he is getting older and I understand he love letters from fruitcakes!

Laugh, taunt, and trash-talk all you want, folks.

I'm just trying to inject a little humor into what must be a very tense situation for DB and JG (about to find themselves looking up at me once again), and all you guys (read FS, LD, and SC), who, at this point are pretty much totally out of it, want to do is make fun of me.

I will have the last laugh. And you know what they say about he who laughs last.

Tense situation for DB??? But I'm not pitching Wood today??! :p

The only one who gets the last laugh is the old undertaker!and he gets paid to boot and a good penny I may added.

OK, everyone who is below Pee- Lawrence, STOP PLAYING! You are out of it so just stop what you are doing and don't waste your time picking a staff!

By the way I am leading the Single Header Divison so everyone below me just as well stop also! I have won the last two out of three weeks so you all don't stand a chance anyway!


Of Course some of us are just playing to get one more position on the ladder so we are going to keep going anyway! And hell I won two out of the last three weeks so why should I stop.

By the way I did tell you that I almost didn't play the whole first half right, so you guys are going to double my second half so I don'tlook so bad in the OVER ALL count Right!

After all isn't that what it is all about anyway? OVER ALL!

I think you better shave that hair is growing in the wrong Direction and crowding you.

I never said that those who are out of it should stop playing.

After all, you need all the practice you can get. Especially those of you still trying to master the fundamentals. One of which is knowing when the doubleheaders are.

Plaw, clear your PM box, please, or at least delete a few.

Mick

Well, the secret is out.

I'm getting private tips from the UK.

Knowing you, you are probably involved in some Fantasy Soccer League also ... :p

I believe they call if "football" over there. Makes sense.

But no. I can barely concentrate on the "football" game I'm in over here.

I'm determined to win the friggin' baseball, so I've upped my study time from two to four hours per day for the stretch drive.

Doesn't leave time for much else....

I am sure you still find a way to squeeze a few minutes in for porn though - right? Or are you like boxer and withholding from porn until the season is over.

LOL is right

4 hit shutout, 11 Ks, 1 walk, 38 points

I'm cutting down on everything (especially, it seems, working) until the season is over.

I'm a man on a mission.

The important thing, Plaw, is that you're not pitching Wood either!

WOW, you are kidding aren't you? Then again you seem to have all these facts and figures and things. Christ, Pee-Lawrence I think you may need some real professional help here.

Factor in that you caught the double headers, let us say you take half of what you had those days (divide them by 2) and you aren't that much ahead of the rest of us. Man, if you spend that much time and am not on top and winning this thing by loads, you aren't getting your moneys worth.
A poster even with shipping and handling divided by how many hours- Dam talking about a third world labor rate!

Take it from me my friend, Get a life, maybe become a Big Brother/Mentor for some misguided kid like Ver/-cet/-ti or someone.

Sign,
Leader of two out of the three last weeks!

I think he's calling you out, Plaw!

Come one, come all! Come see the Pulverizing Prince-PLaw take on the Fearsome Felon-Fatherson in a grudge match to the death.

FS, I think it's safe to say that we will all be getting our lives back once this game is over!

Until then... Plaw is trying to do something amazing (make up 100+ points over two weeks). He won't be successful, but admirable nonetheless. :p

Don't tell me you too are spending your whole life on this? Christ what is the world coming to?

Look what the internet is doing to people!

What did you folks do during the blackout?

No, I'm not spending my whole life on it, but I'm spending some time.

I think the whole point is, this is a competition and naturally, you want to win. Maybe competition is not so important to you and you take your wins when you can get them (leader 2 of the last 3 weeks or leader of the single-header division, etc...), but there is some pride to be taken out of winning the whole thing- especially those who have been here since day 1 (JG), day 2 (most of the rest of us), and day 11 (Bad Daddy)!

Anyway, just my opinion...

Thursday's picks:

DB 3144 Cardinals
JG 3070 Toronto
PL 3059 Mets
BD 2992 Dodgers
LD 2934 Dodgers
FS 2819 ChiSox (2 missing hitters)??
SC 2739 Toronto
JJ. 2456 Mariners
OA 2452 Pirates

That's not a bad idea. Vercetti and I, however wouldn't have much in common, I fear. He's too into video games and the like.

Perhaps you would like me to "mentor" you?

We could start with sdome spelling and grammar, and then move to Fantasy Baseball. With my tutelage, you could really learn the fundamentals.

Here's Rule #1: Make sure that everyone on your team is playing on a given day. If not, replace 'em. Forget the salary cap. You can't afford to hold onto guys who aren't playing, especially when you have as much ground to make up as you do. Seven games of anyone decent is almost always worth six games of anyone else.

Hope this helps. :p

Post Master General
US Govt
Washington DC

Dear Sir / Madam;

Let me introduce myself.
I am a TAXPAYER!
That means that I pay your salary.

Now since that is clear I would like to
complain about a letter I sent to San Francisco
that was never delivered.

It was to a good friend of mine Mr. Jason Schmitt.
I needed a very big favor from him and because of
the complete incompetence of your entire organization, he never received it.

I had the opportunity to move into second place in my fantasy baseball league - instead I remain in third. There are only about 10 or 11 games left and I have no room to dilly-dally with incompetent people like those employed by your organization.

I would hope that this matter receives your immediate attention based upon it's critical nature. I plan to be sending a message similar to the one I sent to Mr. Schmidt daily over the next two weeks and I do not expect another incident such as this.

Pissed and Angry

Plawrence (3rd Place Fantasy Baseball Player)

Dear Mr. Plawrence
3rd Place Fantasy Baseball League


Dear Mr. Plawrence;

I have received your recent letter and as Post Master General I was very upset to hear that our organization did not perform our duties. I opened an immediate investiagation into this matter and after significant costs we were able to determine the root cause of the problem.

You forgot to put a stamp on your letter.

Sincerly

The Post Master General

Someone must be pulling your chain, BD.
I received a communication from Mr. Schmidt this morning, which I will quote in part herein:

"I hope you don't think I let you down last night. The first two innings were a little rocky, but I think I settled down nicely.

You can't reasonably expect more than 27 points on a given day, just as you certainly cannot expect the 33 points that the prick Hallady got."

I ain't complaining; I barely lost any ground because of everyone's putrid offense. I figure I got off lucky last night.