It is with utmost sadness that I, Don Sicilia aka Douche Bigelow, am here to announce that today (day... day... day), I consider myself (self... self... self) the unluckiest player (er... er... er) on the face of this earth (earth... earth... earth).
I seem to have contracted a virus: the "DB Pitching Virus" - a virus a hundred times more lethal than the "Buffy Pitching Curse". This virus is a machine; it will devour anyone in its path. I advise you to stay away. It WILL destroy your score. Be afraid... be very afraid. When you think of me, please remember the good old days - back when I was bright-eyed and unafraid to face the world. Because of this virus, I am a shell of my former self.
Signed and Now Known As, The Artist Formerly Known As DB
