Continuing in the vein of tickets and ticket-taking:
Two guys want to go from NY to Pittsburg by train. First guy says he'll go to the counter and buy the tix. When he gets there, the clerk has her back turned to him. He ahems, and she turns around--and she's spectacularly endowed. "Yessssss..?" she says in a sultry voice. "Uh, uh, two pickets to titsburg," stammers the guy, who then turns red and dashes away without the tix.

His pal, annoyed, says he'll get the tix. Again the clerk's back is to him when he approaches, but she turns to him. "Yessss...?" she says. "Uh, uh, two pickets to titsburg," the guy stutters--and he walks away, redfaced and ticket-less.

The two guys are afraid they're never gonna get to Pittsburg. But just then, they spot a priest in clerical garb. They ask him if he'd do them a favor and buy their tickets. No problem, he says. They give him their money. He approaches the counter, and again the clerk's back is to him. She turns: "Yessss...?" The priest pipes right up: "Two tickets to Pittsburg," he says confidently. The woman takes the money, prints out the tickets and hands them to the priest. He starts walking away, then suddenly remembers that he needs change. So he walks back and says, "Oh, and by the way, can I get two nipples for a dime?"