EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Hey, Nobody said that you had to look!!!

And is it wrong that I like that sort of thing?

Hey, Capo, whatever floats your boat.

Or whatever trips your trigger.

Is your foot feeling better today SB?

Much, so I guess it worked. Thanks, Mig.

It's a shame that the doc took so long to figure it was a clogged sweat gland. But I'm glad he finally did.

Now that your foot is getting better, in August when you get in that giggly situation I want to see you skipping around the bar

No, this was actually a different problem than the last one, so I can't blame him. Me? Skip? Well, perhaps...

...especially if you are in the giggly condition huh?

Daddy he once told me "son you be hard workin' man"

And Mamma she once told me "son you do the best you can"

But then one day I met a man who came to me and said

"Hard work good, and hard work fine, but first take care of Head"

*insert kick-ass guitar solo

I got really really high today during my lunch period and listened to that song. Fun times man.

Quelle coincidence! Today I snorted cocaine off of an Asian man's back during MY lunch period, and then we listened to Depeche Mode!

Today I ate a lemon pie out of my grandmother on my lunchbreak.

Tart??

Yes, a half-cooked one at that.

SC, Since you mentioned Tarts, I'll share a story with you. I was at one of those corporate holiday parties, chatting with a woman who worked for the company. We were standing near the entrance, and saw someone we knew come in. He started to come over to speak to us, but was interrupted on the way by a few other guests who stopped to chat with him. He finally made his way over to us, and said, "Man! This place is crowded! I can't penetrate the crowd!"

Just then, the waitress came over with a tray to offer us an appetizer, saying, "Tartlet?"

Without missing a beat, the woman I was talking to looked over at our mutual friend, and said, "Hmmm. And usually the tartlet comes AFTER the penetration!"

Timing is everything!!

It was a perfect line, given at the perfect time. Alas, I am not that quick-witted!!

Being given at the "perfect" time is its allure.

My ex-boss had a gift for doing that. We worked at a law firm and one of the partners came walking in with a midget. He introduced us to his brother. As soon as they walked away my ex-boss leaned over and whispered to me, "It must be his half brother". It was said 25 years ago but I still remember it (as one of the funniest things I've EVER heard).

Those are both great stories. I admire people with quick wit. On rare occasions if I'm the one who is quick witted it is quite nice too.

For example: Our former school nurse (health tech) was a real snippy, grouchy woman who seemed to hate her job, and hate kids. She'd always be yelling at them. Some of us in the office called her Nurse Ratchet.

She had a real stearn look and walked with a bitchy look on her face. One time she was in "normal mode" passing by my desk, angry again at something. After she passed (don't know if I can get this across in writing) I mimicked the wicked witch riding the bicycle tune (da da da da da da da)from the Wizard Of Oz. It just came out. All the others startaed cracking up and I was kind of proud of myself for thinking so quickly.

Needless to say, Nurse Ratchet didn't have a clue.

TIS

I know exactly what you mean. Some 30+ years ago I was talking with a few of the secretaries at work and one of them, a truly classy, elegant woman (reminds me of an older TIS) remarked that one of her friends called her privates her "funny". Everyone laughed and then I quickly added that "I once dated a gal that was so fat that I didn't find her funny at all".

It cracked everyone up and made me feel great.

TIS, that reminds me of another story. A friend of mine is an English teacher. A student handed in a paper VERY late. His policy was to take points off for each day it was late, so she got a very low grade. Her mother actually had the nerve to call and complain to him, and whine about how her daughter needed to pass his class to graduate. After he explained his position to her, she said, "Well, sir, it's obvious that you have no heart!!"

And he retorted, "Well, Madame, if you could find the Cowardly Lion, the three of us could leave for Oz," and hung up. He never knew if she actually got it or not.

I guess she couldn't amuse you. She couldn't make you laugh.

She asked me, "But, I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to fuckin' amuse you"?

SC, you probably don't realize it, but you are one of those with the quick wit. Some people just seem to be right on spot with the perfect comebacks.


TIS

I commend your quick wits.

My contribution is not quite as witty, but a couple of weeks ago, I was at the home of friends for a party - I'll call them "Steve" and "Mary." They're very nice people. "Mary", who just turned 40, had won a national beauty pageant in the 80's, and let's just say she has retained her natural assets that won her contest(This fact is necessary to the story-trust me).

Anyway, in their home they have a large framed photo of them from their wedding - he in a tuxedo and she in a gown with a bit of a plunging neckline. As several of us were looking at the picture, one of the women remarked, "What a gorgeous couple." I added, "And Steve's not too bad either."

Steve and Mary got a kick out of it. I know it was kind of an obvious remark to make.

I am not very quick witted.(surprise,surprise)
anyhoo I have one every now and then and it's always good.

I am not only not-quick-witted, but I am also the last person to understand jokes. People say something funny and expect to be applauded for it, but I usually respond with a confused nod that pisses them off

Did anyone see South Park last night? That 24 parody was KILLER! XDCX or DC, I think you guys would enjoy it

Now Now Hill-Dawg....