So, I tallied it up today, and a friend of mine who happens to be gay is beating me in masculinity.

He's huge on watching sports. I don't know a thing about sports, I don't watch them, I don't know the rules, and I can't physically play them.

I'm extremely obsessive compulsive. Diagnosed, actually. I'm unusually organized. Anytime he shows up to my house, any room we tread through becomes a mess.

I've been a vegetarian ever since I was six. Not that there is anything feminine about vegetarianism, it just seems like a lot of ignorant jock types obsessed with their own masculinity feel the need to put dead animals in their mouths.

And it keeps going. I'm the worlds gayest heterosexual without transcending into the exploitive realm of meterosexuals (which is such a stupid, elitest term) and he's probably the worlds straightest homosexual.


"Somebody told me when the bomb hits, everybody in a two mile radius will be instantly sublimated, but if you lay face down on the ground for some time, avoiding the residual ripples of heat, you might survive, permanently fucked up and twisted like you're always underwater refracted. But if you do go gas, there's nothing you can do if the air that was once you is mingled and mashed with the kicked up molecules of the enemy's former body. Big-kid-tested, motherf--ker approved."