I read it quickly and thought it was "cannonball."

You have a great son, Yogi.

2 ladies in heaven



1st woman: Hi! Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive.


TIS

What a nice jokes. I read so many of them here, maybe if I'm really bored I start on page 1....

Government Health Warning: Do Not Swallow Chewing Gum

Priceless! Absolutely priceless!



Signor V.

A fish swims into the side of its bowl: "Damn!"

--------

What did the blindman say as he passed the fishmongers?
"Morning, ladies."

After a visit to the local whore house a man notices a lump has appeared on his willy. Off he goes to the docs to get it looked at.
"This is very pretty serious" says the doc.

"How so?" asks the very worried man.

"Well", says the doc, "you know how wrestlers can get cauliflower ears?"

"Yes" says the man, nervously.

"Well" says doc, "you have a brothel sprout"!

Yogi, cute joke! But please tell me that one of the kids didn't tell you that one!

MY SEVEN NEW BOYFRIENDS!!!

I am seeing 7 gentlemen every day.

As soon as I wake up,
Will Power helps me get out of bed

Then I go to see John .

Then Charlie Horse comes along, & when he is here, he takes a lot of my time & attention.

When he leaves, Arthur Ritis
shows up & stays the rest of the day.
He doesn't like to stay in one place very long,
so he takes me from joint to joint.

After such a busy day, I'm really tired & glad to go to bed with Ben Gay .

What a life!

Oh, yes, I'm also flirting with
Al Zymer

No Babe, i got that one off the wife (the joke not the sprout)

Three men die on Christmas Eve and find themselves before St. Peter at the gates of Heaven.

"Can't let you chaps in i'm afraid", says the Saint "unless you can come up with something on your person that has something to do with Christmas?"

First man pulls out a lighter and triggers the flame "just like a Christmas candle" he says.

"Right in you go" says Peter.

Second man pulls out some car keys and jingles them. "Just like Christmas bells" he says.

"Okay in you go" says Peter.

Third man pulls out a bra and a g-string.
"What in Heaven do they have to do with Christmas?" asks Peter.

"Well" says the man "they're Carols"

Fa la la la la

la

la

la

la. Good one, Yogi.

I thought with it being December, it was time for some early festive cheer

A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying: 'God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa.'

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?' The little girl said, 'I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.'

The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: 'God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma.' The next day the grandmother died.

'Holy crap 'thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: 'God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy.'He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

Finally, midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said 'I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?' He said 'I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life.'

She said, 'You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!

Ha ha ha!! Good one. I heard something in the same lines but it was the "milk man" that dropped dead. Or, maybe not the milk man. That would have been ages ago. There are no milkmen today.


TIS

That's right. This is the age of Tiger Woods.

I remember the milk man! Actually, I don't, because he always came so early that I never saw him. I do remember that shiny metal box, and the cold glass bottles of milk, though. I also remember that when I played house, I would often punish my Raggedy Ann by shutting her in the milk box. My mother found this rather disturbing.

I'm not pointing fingers but this sounds like a threat to someone who has teased you.

My mother really was disturbed when I did it, too. She used to say, "But we don't do that to you, do we?", but I was unmoved. I would tell my mom, "She was bad. That's where she has to go."

Oh. My. God.

You have a lttle Annie Wilkes in you, don't you?

Found this just couple of minutes ago!

A woman had a female parrot which kept saying: "Hello, I am very horny. Do you want to have some fun?"

She was frantic, so she went to her Pastor to find a solution to the problem. The Pastor said, "Bring your bird to my house. I have two male parrots who read the bible and pray all the time. They will be a good influence on her."

So, the woman brought the parrot to his house and put her parrot into the cage with the two male birds. She squawked, "Hello, I am very horny. Do you want to have some fun?" One male parrot looked at the other one and said, "Put away the Bible, our prayers have been answered."

Is there no end to this snow?

The weather girl on the TV just said she is expecting 8 inches tonight.

She will be lucky with a face like that!!

Reminds me of the old Henny Youngman joke: "My wife says to me, Give me 8 inches and make it hurt, so I fucked her twice and punched her in the mouth."

back at ya PB!

A man loses his dog and is distraught. A week later and there is still no sign of the mutt. his wife tells him to put an ad in the paper,so he does. Another week later and still no dog,or any news.

"Did you put the ad in the paper like i said?" asks the wife.

"Yes", replies upset hubby.

"What did you put in it?" she asks.

"Here boy" he says.......

Seems to me that the ad would work if the dog was paper trained.

Indeed

A man goes into his local butchers, sees the butcher alone behind the counter and asks him what happened to his assistant.

"I had to let him go" says the butcher, "he kept putting his penis in the bacon slicer".

"Dear me" says the fellow. "what happened to your bacon slicer?"

"Oh i had to let her go as well"!!