Some asshole stole my bike from school today. Literally cut the cable and took it. I just bought that bike on Monday. Come on, criminals! If you're gonna rob me, at least have the common courtesy to put a gun to my face and threaten to peel my cap back unless I give you my bike!
"Growing up my dad was like 'You have a great last name, Galifianakis. Galifianakis...begins with a gal...and ends with a kiss...' I'm like that's great dad, can we get it changed to 'Galifianafuck' please?" -- Zach Galifianakis
