I have been pulled over three times by the same cop in the past 12 months.

Speeding? No.

Busted tail-light? No.

Crossing a double yellow? No.

Krispy-Kreme's in my backpack? No.

This cop has pulled me over three times...while I am riding my bike to work. I ride my bike in the street, I have a headlight and a taillight for my bike, and for fuck's sake, I'M HELPING THE ENVIRONMENT BY NOT DRIVING MY CAR!! This last time he pulled me over, he demanded I get off my bike, put my hands on my head, sit down on the curb with my legs crossed out in front of me, and, to quote: "Keep your fuckin' mouth shut unless you want me to crack your head."

I ask him what I did wrong, and he tells me to shut the fuck up.

I ask him if I can call my boss to let him know I'll be late, he says "WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST TELL YOU?!"

Finally, after about 10 minutes of nothing, I tell him "Look, you can either tell me what I did wrong and cite me or place me under arrest, or let me go. Either way, I'm not staying here another second. I have rights."

He proceeds to shout at me like a lunatic, saying "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE SO LATE, RIDING A BICYCLE?! YOU KNOW WE GOT PEOPLE REPORTING CAR BREAK INS DOWN THIS STREET?! I'M JUST DOING MY JOB, AND ALL YOU'VE BEEN GIVING ME IS FUCKING ATTITUDE!!!"

Um...me giving YOU attitude?!

Finally, he lets me go, I get to work 20 minutes late and get an earful from my boss. I tell him what happens, and he says "Well you should have left earlier. You gotta anticipate things like this."

I have to anticipate that my local law enforcement officers are a bunch of assholes that have nothing better to do than pull over a guy riding his bike to work?

I love my life.