When did Tony really become the don of his famiglia? Some people say it was after he ordered the murders of Mike Palmici and Chuckie. Both of them were Junior's top guys. So he took the lead position after the first season right?

I believe it simply comes after Jackies death. Even when he's putting his uncle in charge they are all taking his advice. He was naturally seen as a leader by the other Capos.

I gotcha. But I heard by many that it was after the war within the DiMeo Crime family. That's when the family basically split into two different groups. Tony was just a top capo before that. This all happened at the end of the first season.

Technically, Tony was NEVER the actual boss. Junior was, and remained, the top boss (that's assuming old man DiMeo died in prison and the viewers just weren't told about it.)

Though he controlled the family for most of the season, Tony was technically only the street boss.

If Tony didn't become boss why did he punk Junior around like a rag doll?

Junior, I believe, was the actual boss until the point, in which, he shot Tony at the beginning of Season 6. Of course, we all know that Tony put Junior in charge to be the lightning rod for the FBI and that Tony had effectively been in control since the hits on Philly Parisi, Mikey Palmice and Chucky Signore took place and Junior was arrested.

Was it ever mentioned that DiMeo died? I always thought that a boss stayed the boss until death or abdication. Unless, he abdicated from prison wouldn't the pecking order be like this throughout the entire series:

DiMeo as Boss (albeit he has no power whatsoever, but still holds the title)
Jackie/Junior/Tony as acting/street boss (but not necessarily answerable to DiMeo in prison)

I guess to not confuse the average viewer they may have just left DiMeo out of things after awhile.

I think you're probably right about the old man DiMeo storyline not being brought in so as not to confuse people. The only time he was ever even mentioned was early in Season 1 and I think it was just once or twice, in passing.

But if what you say about bosses being bosses until they die, are clipped or abdicate, then Junior would still be boss even AFTER he shot Tony in Season 6, pt 1.

Again, unless DiMeo did die and the viewers weren't told about it, Junior was acting boss (eventually in name only) and Tony was street boss (though really in charge) up until the very last episode.

I always thought that Junior started out as Boss and Tony as Street Boss until the shooting. Before that, Junior was Boss in name only because the capos et al followed Tony's direction.

If the arrangment changed after the shooting, I don't think it was mentioned. Junior was still getting at least SOME money still kicked up to him after the shooting.

Yes, he was. But remember the doctor's office scene. Tony told junior what he was going to get from then on.

That doesn't mean Junior wasn't still Acting Boss, even if in name only.

And that time, long before the shooting of Tony, Junior was definitely still Acting Boss (though only officially).

Yes, and that's the way Tony wanted it. The point is, Junior didn't have a choice

Tony wanted the FBI to think that they had the boss of the family in prison, although the FBI seems to know who was calling the shots.

Tony let Junior earn enough to pay his defense lawyers, but little else.

Yes. There's that one scene of Junior in his orange suit being interviewed and he says "not in this life" when someone suggests that Tony is the real boss of New Jersey.

When junior went into the mental health home he was prob shelved and tony cud become official boss (assuming demeo was dead). Before then he wud have been considered street boss

When Tony is in the coma Silvio says to his wife that "the old man" before he went away wanted him to be the boss. Just about everyone has it right i believe, Tony was the street boss and basically over looked all operations with junior acting as boss but there are two different periods in his reign. Before the failed attempt on tonys life and for a couple of episodes after junior's thoughts were actually listened to and acted upon by the rest of the capos. But after they kill off juniors guys, and leave him with bobby and a bunch of old guys to take care of his operations, he is only boss to take the heat. Junior also works in the capacity of boss in many different situations such as meetings with NY over johnny and Ralph's troubles and when carmine dies leaving a power vacuum. Tony is the boss de facto but is modest enough not to need the title, he knows he is the boss just like everyone else does.

When Tony is in the coma, Silvio says that Jackie Sr. offered HIM (Silvio, not Tony) the title of Boss when he was sickly, but that Silvio turned it down because he preferred to be low key and remain behind the scenes. That Jackie's offer was something no one else knew about.

Goes like this:
Old Man DiMeo is put away for life in prison in 1995.

Jackie Aprile is made Boss in 1995, but out of respect for DiMeo refers to himself as the "Acting Boss". But DiMeo is never referenced as being deferred to by any of his successors.

Things are peaceful and profitable until Jackie gets diagnosed with cancer in 1998. When he's in the Hospital the first time around, Tony assumes power as Acting Boss (the Pilot). By 46 Long, Jackie is still sick but well enough to run the Family. By the third episode, he's back in the hospital and his time is running out. Jackie dies in early 1999.

Tony doesn't want to be Boss, but neither do the other Capos. Larry Boy suggests a five man ruling panel, which is turned down. So, all of the other guys push Tony to step up and take the position of Boss, that he has their support.

Junior wants to be Boss, but none of the other Capos want him in charge. Tony doesn't want the headaches or stress of being Boss, nor does he want a war, so he gives Junior the title of Boss. But in reality, he runs the Family behind Junior's back.

So, Season 1:

Junior (Official/Puppet Boss)
Joseph "Beppy" Sasso (Official Underboss, sickly)
Mikey Palmice (Consigliere)
Tony (Capo/De Facto Boss)
Philly Parisi (Capo)
Jimmy Altieri (Capo)
Larry Boy Barese (Capo)
Ray Curto (Capo)

At the end of Season 1, Junior is arrested, Mikey is killed along with Chucky Signore (a Junior Soprano crew soldier), and Philly Parisi (who was the Capo of Junior's crew). Jimmy Altieri is killed for being a rat.

Tony assumes full control of the Family and cements his power by whacking Philly Parisi, who had been talking insubordinate. Other Junior Soprano soldiers, like Gigi Cestone, fall in line and join Tony's crew. Tony becomes Street Boss, and only allows Junior to keep 5% of his shylocking business, his sport's betting, some cocaine business, and also the Jointfitter's Union. But everything else Junior owned (the Executive Game, stolen car business with Italy, Comley trucking extortion rackets), but let's Junior keep the title of Boss so that Junior remains the Feds' main target.

So, Season 2 onward:

Junior (Official Boss; Under House Arrest)
Tony (Street Boss/De Facto Boss)
Paulie Gualtieri (Capo)
Murf Lupo (Capo, though Junior's crew isn't recognized as having any power until years later)
Richie Aprile (Capo)
Carlo Gervasi (Capo, replacing Jimmy Altieri)
Ray Curto (Capo)

Dont believe Jackie offered the job to anyone, he was to busy dying.

one thing i could never figure out in season 1 Tony said he respected and love his uncle yet he set his uncle up to go to jail possibily by making him a puppet boss

Uncle Junior and the feds set junior up to go to jail, Tony just didnt get in the way by saying "HEY OVER HERE!!! Im really the boss!" Tony let Junior have exactly what he wanted, the stripes.