"There once was a deputy called Fife, who carried a gun and a knife. The gun was all dusty, the knife was all rusty, 'cause he never caught a crook in his life."
---Opie Taylor
After a thorough investigation of this incident including spectroscopic analysis of the chalk used and remnant DNA thereupon, it was determined that Opie was not the guilty party: he had not yet learned to write.
